Beyond Feelings (eBook)

Mike Roulette (Autor)

eBook Download: EPUB

2025 | 1. Auflage
1100 Seiten
Publishdrive (Verlag)
9780001098244 (ISBN)

Infos

This is not just a story you read.

It's a truth you survive. 

There are battles the world sees, bullets, borders, and broken cities.

And there are wars hidden deep inside us, silent, merciless, fought in the dark corners of the mind and the fragile chambers of the heart.

This book was born in both battlefields.

Beyond Feelings is the raw, unfiltered account of a life shattered and rebuilt under fire. A journey through war, betrayal, loss, and the violent collision between trauma and awakening. A diary of a soul dragged through hell , and forced to find meaning in the ash.

You will walk through fear. You will taste loneliness, courage, madness, hope. You will stand on the edge of identity, and watch it fall apart. Then you will learn what rises after the breaking.

Inside these pages, witness:

The mental war nobody sees
• The heart learning to breathe again
• The moment pain becomes purpose
• The rebirth only scars can teach
• The courage to feel, when feeling is death and resurrection at once

This is not polished triumph. This is not a pretty healing. 

This is survival, inked in truth, blood, memory, and the fire within one's soul.

For anyone who has battled their own mind, stood alone against life's chaos, or prayed for strength in a world deaf to pain, this book doesn't just speak to you.

It shares your heartbeat.

Turn the page only if you're ready. Awakening is not gentle.

But once you see life beyond feelings, you cannot go back.

Textauszug

Based on a True Story

Dedicated

To my Brtohers which did not return To my first wife who didn’t make it To my sweet Fiancée which will never remember who I was to her To my second wife which healed me Forgive me for not saving you on time This book is my dedication to you all Some info’s were changed with

respect to the living and the fallen and the protection of sensitive data The events in this book are recorded by the memories of the actual participants in the events

© 2025 Mike Roulette Publications All Rights Reserved

№ 0001

A Soldier’s diary

Mark Benem was only fifteen when he crossed the iron gates of the military boarding school. As if he had a choice.

Behind him lay a house without warmth: a mother lost in bottles that never seemed to empty, and a father who had returned from war not as the man he once was, but as a shadow that haunted the corridors of their home.

The military school, in that season of his youth, was not a punishment but a refuge, its discipline steadier than chaos, its order gentler than the violence of silence. Within its walls, he discovered routine, companionship, and a strange sense of belonging.

Yet sanctuary has its price.

Little did he know that the uniforms he wore and the drills that filled his days would shape more than his body, they would carve into his soul. Mark entered the military system as a boy searching for escape. He would leave as a man who had already seen too much.

Was it too soon? Or was this the only way he could learn what it meant to live beyond feelings?

№ 0002

ENTRY LOG: 001

THE START OF A SOLDIER’S LIFE

It was late summer when Mark turned sixteen.

A year had passed since he first entered Camp Norfold, a military school, and the rhythms of military life had etched themselves into his skin like invisible tattoos, wake before dawn, drills until breathless, meals taken with mechanical precision. What once felt foreign had become second nature.

In that time, Mark had found more than routine; he had found brothers. The kind of friendships born not of convenience, but of survival. Bonds tempered in sweat, forged in sleepless nights and whispered conversations after lights out. Bonds that, as Mark would later discover, do not always survive the passage of years, yet never truly die either.

Edi was the closest of them all. He and Mark were cut from the same cloth, though stitched by different hands. Mark had come to the school by a fragile thread of choice, escaping a broken home. Edi, on the other hand, had been cast into its walls by a court order, a youth too wild for the world outside, yet too young for a prison cell. Two boys from two different roads, and yet both seeking the same thing: a place where pain could be silenced, even if only for a while.

That late summer, the camp’s orders shifted. Mark and Edi, along with a small group of cadets, were dispatched to a nearby military base. Their assignment was simple, assist the soldiers, carry equipment, keep the grounds in order. Menial tasks, yet to the boys it felt like initiation. The boys watched the real soldiers with admiration, absorbing every movement, every command barked across the yard.

№ 0003

They dreamed of becoming like them, men carved from steel, fearless in uniform, respected by all. But dreams, Mark would learn, are fragile things. Little did they know that the path they longed for would soon demand more than admiration. It would demand sacrifice. It would demand blood. The dream was about to turn into a nightmare. Days passed by, and life at the base settled into a rhythm of dust, heat, and endless drills. Then, one morning, everything changed.

The commander of the base stood in his office with the sealed envelope still in his hands. His face was unreadable, but when he gathered the officers, his words were sharp and without ceremony. The orders were simple and dry:

All personnel are to be dispatched overseas. A peace mission In theory, the directive applied to trained soldiers, men seasoned for deployment. By every regulation, the cadets, Mark, Edi, and the handful of boys barely sixteen, were to remain behind. Too young. Too untested. Still in the fragile space between childhood and manhood. But the commander thought otherwise.

His eyes swept over the small band of cadets, their uniforms too new, their boots hardly worn, and something in him hardened. “They are old enough,” he said flatly. “They will manage.” The decision was made in a breath, but its weight would linger for lifetimes.

What he saw as necessity, the world would later judge as negligence.

What seemed to the boys like the fulfillment of their dream, marching in the footsteps of real soldiers, was in truth the opening of a door they could never close again. Mark felt a surge of pride at first, his heart pounding as he realized he would be going where real battles were fought. Beside him, Edi’s grin flickered like firelight, uncertain but excited.

The others whispered, their voices half nervous, half thrilled.

№ 0004

None of them understood what lay beyond that order.

The Camp commander could not have known it either.

He could not have foreseen that by sending children into a man’s war, he was casting one young heart into a life long course of turmoil where innocence would wither, where love and loss would intertwine, and where every step forward would be shadowed by memories of what began that summer. The boys prepared for departure. Packing their bags and gear.

The engines roared like thunder as the transport plane cut through the night sky, carrying its cargo of men, weapons, and dreams. The flight was long, heavy with silence broken only by the drone of turbines and the nervous chatter of those too young to know what awaited them.

Mark sat by the window, watching the clouds drift like ghosts beneath the moonlight. Edi slouched beside him, arms folded across his chest, trying to mask the unease that lived behind his grin. Around them, soldiers older, harder, already scarred, dozed with rifles at their feet. Scattered among the soldiers, were the faces of boys not yet grown, eyes wide, hearts restless, their minds torn between fear and excitement.

Bosnia. A name Mark barely knew before the orders came. A country torn and bleeding, still recovering from the war that had ripped through its towns and villages only years before. A place where walls still carried bullet holes, and silence itself was heavy with memory.

They spoke between thesleves.

They looked at it as an adventure.

Was it?

№ 0005

ENTRY LOG: 002

BOSNIA - LATE 90’s

During the flight, Edi leaned close, his voice low, as if afraid the soldiers might overhear his doubt. “I think it’s going to be okay,” he said, forcing a smile. “A bit off base tour, some cleaning duty, maybe helping the locals, and then we’ll be back, right?” Mark turned to him. His eyes, darker than his years, betrayed an unease he would not voice. He forced his lips into something like a smile. “I hope so, brother,” Mark whispered. “Whatever happens… we must keep each other’s back.”

Edi nodded. Their pact was sealed in that moment, not with words written, nor hands shaken, but with the unspoken trust that bound them since their first days at Camp Norfold. Hours later, the plane descended through clouds into a land of mountains and scarred valleys. From the small window, Mark could see patches of forest, rivers twisting like silver threads, and villages that looked as though time had stopped in the middle of tragedy. He did not yet know that the soil beneath was soaked with unmarked graves, nor that the peace they were sent to guard was as fragile as glass. The wheels hit the tarmac with a jolt, and the plane shuddered to a halt. A voice barked orders, and the soldiers rose to their feet.

The cadets followed, trying to mirror the confidence of men who had already seen war. Mark’s heart raced.

This was no longer a drill. This was no longer a dream.

This was Bosnia. And nothing would ever be the same again. During the flight, Mark glanced at Edi, then at the other two youngsters seated across the aisle, Andrew and Sam. Four broken souls, bound together…

by circumstance, which carried high above the earth, toward a country none of them knew.

№ 0006

Kids on foreign soil before their boots even touched the ground. The plane was filled with silence, a silence thicker than any drill ground. The soldiers sat rigid, eyes fixed ahead or closed in uneasy sleep. Some clutched rosaries, lips moving in muted prayers; others stared blankly at the floor, their thoughts locked away where no one could reach them. Edi shifted in his seat, restless. Andrew twitched his leg nervously, while Sam tried to hum under his breath before stopping, the sound swallowed by the weight of the cabin. Every so often, the younger boys looked at Mark, not because he was older, for he wasn’t that much then them, but because in him they saw something steady. Something he himself did not yet recognize.

Mark avoided their gaze, pressing his palms flat against his knees. His eyes drifted downward, and that was when he saw it, a patch lying near his boot. Worn, dirty, yet still distinct: a single...

Produkt-Details

• Erscheint lt. Verlag: 4.11.2025
• Sprache: englisch
• Themenwelt: Literatur ► Lyrik / Dramatik ► Dramatik / Theater
• ISBN-13: 9780001098244 / 9780001098244