ILIVID (eBook)

Wanda Price (Autor)

eBook Download: EPUB

2022 | 1. Auflage
150 Seiten
Bookbaby (Verlag)
978-1-6678-1428-5 (ISBN)

Infos

This book and all life tragedies have all played a part in someone else life displayed by Wanda herself -as a young child to an adult. I was stuck in old behaviors I did not know exist within, not knowing how to rid them rather reflecting on what I have known to be a lie about myself. All my obstacles were my life. I am smarter than my actions. Born a writer, writer of bad things, writer of the forge and writer of my life.

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I realize the animosity was like a garment I wore. It beat me daily. I was only hurting myself and with change came revelations. I ignored the voice in my spirit. I did not have the internal desire. The temptation kept me. It started in my mind not my circumstances. I am not what I have done. I am much bigger than my past. My future has begun. I came to a place of transformation. A place of change, hand selected, converted and understanding-conversion is given away. What I have been tied too I walked away from my background my tradition. It's a hard thing to do. We are sometimes loyal to what is wrong. My family DNA dynamics and family patterns of who I am is what I discovered, is real. This is my story how personal defects can lead one to the edge of ones personal power. Without enemies I would not be so determined. - Wanda L. Price

Textauszug

Prologue

Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.

—Benjamin Spock

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

—Bernard Baruch

Instead, God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing what the world considers important.

—1 Corinthians 1:27-28

I am getting older, and life is getting shorter. I do not have too much time to live, so, I want the remainder to be my best—with intention and without regrets. I want my children and grandchildren to see me as a real person, not just a mother and grandmother. For safekeeping, I want to leave them with my thoughts, memories, fears, dreams, the history of who I am, and who my people are. But most of all, I want to pass what I have learned on to my children and grandchildren.

What matters most is speaking up, being generous, and inhabiting this life creating a new one. I want to explore what living really means. I hope to leave my loved ones with an instruction manual to guide them as they live their lives without me. This manual is not about where to buy groceries. Throughout this work, I will imitate how to treat people and themselves, how to love, what to stand up for, and what to care about. Time only seems to matter when it is running out. I always desired for my children to have the best, I just did not know it required more than giving material gifts.

My hustling cost me dearly. I did not have a clue that trying to be like my father and imitating people who have the best of both worlds. My father who I love dearly I tried hard to be like him in so many ways. As a young girl my father use to give me expensive jewelry, clothes, money and all that made me feel good. I realize most boys would like to be like their fathers, yet I was a little girl. I did not feel safe growing up as a little girl. I did not know my dad was committing crimes to care for his family. In all that we do for our children invest in their education ability and charisma. Sometimes I believe I was destined to have my life torn apart because it seemed like everything, I tried to do I end up failing at it. I desperately wanted people to recognize me. However, I did not know that recognition only comes from God. Instead, I of spending my youth as the person God wanted me to be I sat behind bars. I gained some wealth but lost something more precious in the process. I was not there for my children. I gave them much parenting as I could through visits, mail, phone calls and furloughs none of those could ever be enough. I see what I saw when my dad was out or in prison. We shared the same things in common. Little girls do not phantom anything at the age of five and six years old to determine anything of this nature. I know I was a inquisitee who always ask a lot of questions. They had better make sense to me as a child or else it would be hard for me to understand it if it looked a different way to me and more questions followed. This is how kids are especially smart kids. They always have questions for you. The more I perpetuated the consequences of my actions the more they haunted me. I created schemes and I was paid yet I paid with my life.

Whenever I used someone, I earned money and that was not good, nothing good comes from using anyone. My greatest fear was that I would fail my children. I believed hustling would keep my family comfortable. I was going in the wrong direction. I am now a survivor committed to change. My story permeates my past lifestyle.

To read without reflecting is like eating without digesting.

—Edmund Burke

Once, I was a young kid who grew up wanting so much to be like her dad. My younger self saw myself attracted to the beautiful and fine things in life the family couldn’t afford. The older I became, the more my ways mirrored my dad’s: hustling, stealing, and working hard. Both parents validated me as a special and visionary child, someone who would become great. My life changed irrevocably upon my incarceration. While on trial in federal court on three separate occasions, I won notoriety.

My sister saw me as a threat because both parents saw me as important, talented, gifted and bless. My sister lied about me in order to send me to prison so she could keep me out of our mothers will. Anything she would say to harm me would be damaging because I have a past. Something she have learned to use against me like others when they do not want you around. She was wise enough to say yes, she did it and this what she did without playing the blame game even if it were all true. Who else would inquire about a crime to put some money in their pocket, later inform the authorities? I am not thinking she would even consider such a thing, a gold mine, a plan to destroy me. Someone who is a narcissist not implementing themselves without being arrested. I would have not ever placed the blame on anyone never mine commit a crime to have someone tell on me. They all know I will not tell on them or myself. Today my eyes are open to what and how family use their family to harm them to get ahead, along looking out for oneself not considering who they hurt doing it. Even so much as my daughter who has committed crimes used my ID and anything she could get a hold of. The moment I would discover what she has done here comes the super big old threat something out of statute of limitation. She is trying to use it to comfort her ego against me. I now discovered more crimes, she committed using my info, easy access and I have a past being a felon. All lies anything one could say about me. The bs people and authorities do to harm people. There have been times being in prison my credit worthiness is being used being I have good credit. Who would use it? A family member not as much care how much they damage my credit. Even if they receive all they could receive in credit. We must be careful who we use in life because we all get our very own karma. I have used people to have what I want; wrong we do not use anyone at all. It all comes back some hundred-fold sometimes two. One may ask when does the agony stops?

While in prison, my dad passed away. The department of corrections forgot to put in my furlough papers to attend the funeral and view dad’s body. While my dad was still at the funeral home, my sister’s only child was there as well, two family members at same time. A horrible feeling. My nephew murdered during a robbery. Now, both my dad and nephew lay at Fuqua Funeral Home.

I had to emerge from the person I have been for the sake of my grandkids. At age sixty, I resolutely pursues my goals and dreams in spite of a lifetime of challenges. I did not know how to get from one point to the other on my own. I made numerous attempts and had great ideas, but I needed more than just myself.

The devil tried to keep me at a standstill. I recently discovered it is the enemy who helps you reach your goals. I did not have a clue that the devil engaged in me being raped. I say this because when God has a plan and purpose for my life so does the enemy. After being raped I was filled with so much hate, rage, bitterness, and pain that I became a walking time bomb waiting to explode. At the age of fourteen where I suppose to be at the beach, camping and water skiing I really felt like nothing, a nobody. What it did to me, destroyed me. I were uncomfortable with young girls I knew would not become part of their lives who went to summer programs from wealthy surrounding towns where I always wanted to be part of, other than those from the hood. I did not feel in place at all when I attend school or when I did other things girls my age did. I just did not feel I belonged simply because of something someone done to me to have his way being an idiot. A pervert, a child molester, a rapist, someone who is sick. I have a confession to make the very person I love and respect my father I begin to develop a love hate relationship. He was to protect me. This is where I spent many years seeking out older men because I felt they would be my protector. I did not have a clue that even some of the older men who sought me were more than perverts themselves. I married a man who was thirteen years older than me. A man who even sought me out even when I was just fifteen years old, later became my husband. At that time, I did not even know he was a pervert. And this is where I begin to develop a suspicion with men.

When God anoints you, others attack to feel powerful. When a woman is great at what she does, she deserves to be on someone hit list. I was not anointed to be abandoned. Success is a threat to those around, not a disease from which an individual suffers. Never let people tell you that you cannot do something; their limitations are not yours. It does not mean you cannot do it.

I will be a different person. I will take the risk and do what I believe in. People only remember the extraordinary. As God did for me, God will turn you around and break the chains of your life. God heals whom He wants to heal and blesses whom He wants to bless. He touches whom He wants to touch. He called me. I heard and seen Him in action using me and I ran ignored Him and tried to put Him off. And He was yet there for me to see me no matter what age...

Produkt-Details

• Erscheint lt. Verlag: 2.5.2022
• Sprache: englisch
• Themenwelt: Literatur ► Biografien / Erfahrungsberichte
• ISBN-10: 1-6678-1428-1 / 1667814281
• ISBN-13: 978-1-6678-1428-5 / 9781667814285