Searching for Tadpoles (eBook)

The Journey to Motherhood of a Single Mother by Choice

Connie Rutherford (Autor)

eBook Download: EPUB

2025 | 1. Auflage
160 Seiten
Bookbaby (Verlag)
979-8-3178-0177-9 (ISBN)

Infos

Multiracial Black and Taiwanese author Connie Rutherford tells her story of defying social norms to become a single mother by choice: the intricate challenges of dating, family dynamics, fertility procedures, and the COVID-19 pandemic, all while working on Wall Street.

Multiracial author Connie Rutherford is a proud single mother by choice. She is a lifetime member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. Connie spent twenty years on Wall Street before transitioning to the technology industry. Her memoir, Searching for Tadpoles, describes her heartfelt quest for motherhood. Previously an avid runner and cyclist, she just chases after her kids now. Currently, Connie resides in New Jersey where she enjoys watching Taiwanese dramas and cheering for Oklahoma football.

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Searching for Tadpoles follows the heartwarming journey of multiracial Black and Taiwanese author Connie Rutherford as she defies social norms to become a single mother by choice. Connie immerses readers in the intricate challenges of dating, family dynamics, fertility procedures, and the COVID-19 pandemic, all while working on Wall Street. Her story is raw and heartfelt, showing how single motherhood can be both empowering and rewarding. Only through her own determination, the assistance of various doctors and nurse practitioners, and the support of her family and friends was Connie able to build the resilient network that helped her dream come true. This compelling narrative serves as an invaluable resource for individuals seeking to conceive while single. Searching for Tadpoles offers inspiration to those who possess an unwavering determination to overcome obstacles.

Textauszug

Chapter 2

It was definitely an adjustment working in New York City. Everything was so fast-paced. I was working on the trading floor and had a different set of clients than I’d had during my time in Charlotte. Typically I would go out on the weekends when I lived in Oklahoma and Charlotte. I quickly realized that Tuesday through Thursday in the concrete jungle were game for a night out. If I wasn’t taking a client out for drinks or dinner, I was meeting friends for happy hour.

I appreciated the liberal world of the northeast; however, being on a trading floor, I was cognizant that it was a white male–dominated industry. I put my energy and focus into my job. I remember being cursed out and hung up on by a client—there was none of the South’s politeness. I quickly grew thick skin.

I moved around from bank to bank, which led to higher earning power. My focus was making money and moving up the ladder. I went on a lot of dates, but I was not interested in anything serious. I was once told by a male friend that if I didn’t get married by the age of thirty-five in NYC, it would be very difficult. I didn’t sweat his premonition because I was indifferent about getting married; however, I knew that I wanted to have a child at some point. The years whizzed by.

I was downsized from my job in 2016. I didn’t see it coming, but I tried to stay positive and utilized the time off to take care of myself. I worked out. I visited my friend Emma in Tennessee and then Amelia in Austin. I attended college with Emma, and we pledged the same sorority at the same time—making her one of my Linesisters. There were forty-five women on our pledge line. Emma and I have a very deep relationship. It’s like she understands the depth of my soul and feelings. She is the person I am the most vulnerable with. I’m a vegetarian and she is my only vegan friend. It’s nice that we are able to break bread together without any issues.

I went to high school with Amelia. We bonded over dancing and even created a dance group. We used to practice dance routines every spare moment we had outside of flag corp (now known as color guard). We even video taped ourselves once and tried to send it to R&B singer Keith Sweat in hopes that he would want us as back-up dancers in one of his videos. We did the same for the rap group Bone Thugs-N-Harmony.

At this time, I also decided to focus on my fertility. I was now thirty-eight years of age. If not now, when? On March 20, 2017, I went to see a fertility doctor at a well-known fertility research clinic in Manhattan. They tested my anti-Mullerian hormone (AMH) level. Once I got home, I went for a six-mile run and when I finished, I received news from the nurse that my levels had gone from 2.5 the year before to 1.6. I was sad.

I knew it was normal for AMH levels to drop with age. Although it had dropped, it still wasn’t “bad” for my age. I had spoken to friends who shared that acupuncture helped their fertility, so I reached out to a recommended acupuncturist. When I met her, I loved how she spoke so positively about what was going to happen in my life. Not only did she address my fertility concerns, but she also said that I was going to get the job that I had applied for. I left energized and more optimistic about life. I began to think about freezing my eggs. I signed up to attend a class that was being offered a few days later at the clinic regarding in vitro fertilization (IVF) and egg freezing.

The class consisted of about twelve people, mostly couples, who were interested or about to go through IVF. I was one of two who were there for egg freezing. I leaned toward the other woman that was there to freeze her eggs and whispered, “I didn’t realize that egg freezing is the IVF process!” She whispered back, “I know! The only difference is that at the end, the eggs they retrieve won’t be fertilized.” We were both flabbergasted that the egg-freezing process was so intense.

The class was from 9 to 12 p.m., and afterward, I went back to the acupuncturist for another dose of positivity and acupuncture. The next day I called the clinic to ask about next steps for egg freezing, and we set up an appointment to have bloodwork done for the following week. My acupuncturist spoke the job into existence, because I did receive the offer from the job that I had applied for! I was ecstatic and finally able to exhale! I had been unemployed for five months and I had my severance, but no one was really hiring on Wall Street. I had gone to a good number of interviews, only for the roles to be revoked or to be filled internally.

Now with the job offer, I felt more comfortable proceeding with the egg freezing process. I saw the doctor to review my bloodwork and order the medication that I would need. For some reason, after the appointment, I decided to research egg-freezing clinics in NYC. I read reviews and scoured the prices. I had this nagging feeling that I should keep my options open. I came across one fertility clinic that piqued my interest, with cost being one of the main drivers. I called the clinic, and we set up a preliminary conference call on the same day when I was to receive the specialty fertility medication the original fertility clinic had prescribed for me. The conference call with the new clinic went well so I scheduled a follow-up appointment to go over my customized process and the cost. While I was meeting with the “new” clinic, I was still seeing my doctor at the original clinic so they could monitor my bloodwork. Although my original clinic had years of experience as a facility and was very well-known in the fertility community, the cost of the egg-freezing process was around $10,000 per cycle (one IVF process is considered one cycle). This was just for the process and egg storage; it did not include the specialty fertility medication that insurance doesn’t cover for egg-freezing purposes.

Since the new clinic was in the beginning stages of getting patients, they were offering the egg freezing process for $5,000. Also, it included a “guarantee” of either retrieving up to at least twelve eggs or four cycles, whichever came first. The $10,000 at the original clinic only consisted of one cycle. If the doctor was only able to retrieve one viable egg from that egg-freezing cycle, you would have to pay another $10,000 to try again, not to mention the extra specialty fertility medication you would have to purchase.

It’s difficult to put a price tag on health, and I do not take anything pertaining to my body lightly. I remember that I went through a similar exercise in 2004 when I was interested in LASIK eye surgery. There were all kinds of deals and discounts, but I did a lot of research. I wanted an affordable LASIK surgery without sacrificing quality. I ultimately found a TLC-affiliated doctor who was very experienced yet affordable.

I decided to ask my doctor at the original clinic, “What is the difference between your clinic and this new clinic I researched?” I expected her to give me this long drawn-out response about research and the prestige of her clinic; however, her answer shocked me. She responded, “Nothing.” She proceeded to tell me, “I personally know the two doctors at the new clinic very well, as they came from this clinic.” I was surprised and thanked her for her candor. That solidified my decision to wholeheartedly proceed with the new clinic.

Before I started my new job, I had a frank conversation with the hiring manager. I explained I was going to be starting the egg-freezing process around the same time that I would begin my new job. I didn’t want to come across as that new employee who just started and is already taking time off for doctor appointments. To my relief, she was very supportive.

I had my first appointment to start my egg freezing on June 21, 2017. I had my blood drawn (they were checking my estradiol and progesterone levels), and they performed a follicular ultrasound. The nurse said that they would call me in the afternoon with my medication instructions. When I received the call that afternoon, I was told to start my Follistim and Menopur injections that evening. Both medications are hormones used to help stimulate the ovaries. I was nervous. I kept reviewing the instructions for the dosage and watched and re-watched the video on mixing the Menopur. I wanted to make sure that I was doing it right, because I couldn’t afford to waste any Menopur (it’s quite expensive).

The medications needed to be injected around the same time each night between 7 and 10 p.m. I decided on 10 p.m. just in case I had something after work that would cause me to arrive home later during this cycle. There were two injection sites to choose from: thigh or stomach. I went with the latter as I figured that I have more fat there so it would hurt less. I successfully administered the two shots and was quite proud of myself. When I was in high school, I had wanted to become a neonatologist. I volunteered at the local hospital for two years and always requested the NICU. At the same time, I also attended vocational school so that I could learn medical terminology and go on clinical visits. During the summer between my junior and senior year in high school, I applied and was accepted to the University of Oklahoma Health Science Center program. I followed different doctors around, took ethics classes and my absolute favorite was working on human cadavers. I never viewed breasts the same after that experience. To this day, I’m unsure why people are so enamored with that...

Produkt-Details

• Erscheint lt. Verlag: 15.8.2025
• Sprache: englisch
• Themenwelt: Sachbuch/Ratgeber ► Gesundheit / Leben / Psychologie ► Familie / Erziehung
• ISBN-13: 979-8-3178-0177-9 / 9798317801779