Second Wind How to Restore Love and Passion in 30 Days (eBook)

Evidence-based tools for couples in crisis.

Roman Idolenko (Autor)

eBook Download: EPUB

2025 | 1. Auflage
90 Seiten
Publishdrive (Verlag)
978-0-00-080980-3 (ISBN)

Textauszug

RELATIONSHIP DIAGNOSIS: DETERMINING CURRENT STATE AND GROWTH POINTS

Assess Your Relationship's Current State

Before beginning the transformation process, it's important to determine your current position. This will help identify specific areas for work and notice progress in the future. Both partners should complete this diagnosis independently of each other.

Answer the following questions on a scale from 1 to 5, where: 1 = Almost never, 5 = Almost always

A. Emotional Connection

● I feel that my partner is emotionally available to me when I need it __

● We easily share our feelings with each other __

● I feel understood in our conversations __

● We regularly show tenderness and affection to each other __

B. Communication

● We can discuss difficult topics without becoming defensive or attacking __

● We actively listen to each other without interrupting or dismissing __

● I can honestly talk about my needs and desires __

● We successfully resolve conflicts, finding solutions that work for both __

C. Mutual Respect and Friendship

● We show interest in each other's thoughts and feelings __

● We regularly express gratitude and appreciate each other's contributions __

● We make time for shared fun and common interests __

● I feel that my partner respects me as a person __

D. Forgiveness and Healing

● We know how to ask for forgiveness and accept apologies __

● Past grievances don't constantly resurface in our conflicts __

● I feel that we can heal wounds inflicted on each other __

● I'm capable of letting go of negative feelings toward my partner __

E. Physical and Sexual Intimacy

● I'm satisfied with the quality of our sex life __

● We openly discuss our needs in the intimate sphere __

● We regularly show physical tenderness (hugs, kisses, touches) __

● I feel desired and attractive to my partner __

● We're able to talk about our sexual desires and fantasies __

● Our intimate life contains elements of play and novelty __

F. Shared Goals and Values

● We have a shared vision of our family's future __

● We support each other's personal growth __

● We make important decisions together __

● We share key values and priorities __

Results:

● 110-130 points: Healthy connection — your relationship has a solid foundation, but there may be areas to strengthen.

● 85-109 points: Moderate distance — there's a good foundation, but some aspects need attention.

● 60-84 points: Significant distance — targeted work on several aspects is required.

● Less than 60 points: Critical distance — deep connection restoration is needed in all areas.

Determining Your Love Languages

According to Gary Chapman, each person has a predominant "love language" — the way they prefer to receive and express love. Misunderstanding a partner's love language often leads to situations where both make efforts but don't feel loved.

Distribute 10 points among five statements in each group, reflecting their importance to you:

Group 1:

● A. It's important for me to hear words of approval and compliments __

● B. It's important for me that my partner gives me quality time and attention __

● C. It's important for me to receive gifts symbolizing care __

● D. It's important for me when my partner does something useful for me __

● E. Physical contact and touches are important to me __

Group 2:

● A. I feel loved when my partner says warm words to me __

● B. I feel loved when we spend time together __

● C. I feel loved when I receive a meaningful gift from my partner __

● D. I feel loved when my partner helps me with tasks __

● E. I feel loved from my partner's hugs and touches __

Group 3:

● A. Support and recognition of my achievements are important to me __

● B. My partner's undivided attention is important to me __

● C. I like when I'm given gifts, even small ones __

● D. When my partner takes on some of my responsibilities, I feel cared for __

● E. Physical closeness makes me feel special __

Group 4:

● A. I value when my partner says how important I am to them __

● B. I value when my partner puts aside tasks to be with me __

● C. I value when my partner picks gifts that show they know me __

● D. I value when my partner notices what I need and does it for me __

● E. I value when my partner takes my hand or hugs me __

Group 5:

● A. It's easiest for me to express love through words of support and compliments __

● B. It's easiest for me to express love by spending time with my partner __

● C. It's easiest for me to express love by choosing meaningful gifts __

● D. It's easiest for me to express love by doing something useful for my partner __

● E. It's easiest for me to express love through touches and physical closeness __

Calculating Results:

Add up points for each letter:

● A: __ (Words of Affirmation)

● B: __ (Quality Time)

● C: __ (Receiving Gifts)

● D: __ (Acts of Service)

● E: __ (Physical Touch)

The highest score indicates your primary love language, the second highest your secondary.

My primary love language: _________________ My secondary love language: _________________

Relationship Map: Identify Your Current Interaction Cycle

Most couples experiencing distance fall into one of the negative interaction cycles. Identifying your typical cycle will help you recognize it and begin to change it.

Typical Distance Cycles:

Pursue-withdraw cycle

● Partner A seeks greater closeness and conversation (pursues).

● Partner B withdraws and shuts down (withdraws).

● This intensifies Partner A's anxiety, who pursues even more actively.

● Which causes even greater withdrawal from Partner B.

Defense-defense cycle

● Both partners take defensive positions.

● Each focuses on self-justification rather than understanding the other.

● This creates escalation of mutual accusations.

● And leads to emotional distancing of both.

Freeze-freeze cycle

● Both partners avoid conflicts and vulnerability.

● Communication becomes superficial and functional.

● Emotional needs remain unexpressed.

● A sense of loneliness within the relationship grows.

Criticism-defense cycle

● Partner A expresses dissatisfaction through criticism.

● Partner B defends and responds with counter-criticism.

● Mutual contempt and devaluation increase.

● Respect and admiration disappear from the relationship.

Resentment-guilt cycle

● Partner A holds onto past grievances and...

Produkt-Details

• Erscheint lt. Verlag: 22.5.2025
• Übersetzer: Multi Roman
• Sprache: englisch
• Themenwelt: Sachbuch/Ratgeber ► Gesundheit / Leben / Psychologie ► Lebenshilfe / Lebensführung
• ISBN-10: 0-00-080980-2 / 0000809802
• ISBN-13: 978-0-00-080980-3 / 9780000809803