Mapito (eBook)

Embrace Yourself

Chani Getter (Autor)

eBook Download: EPUB

2025 | 1. Auflage
236 Seiten
Inspirational Living Inc (Verlag)
9798990042414 (ISBN)

Infos

Trailblazer Chani Getter's 'Mapito' is a transformative guide to self-discovery and self-love, woven with captivating, heartfelt stories. As a trauma expert, Chani shares profound truths that will awaken your spirit, heal your soul, and inspire you to embrace all of yourself with humor, compassion, and courage.

Chani Getter, LCSW, is a psychotherapist, award-winning queer activist, and interfaith minister. Chani also serves as Scholar-in-Residence for Footsteps, a nonprofit organization that provides comprehensive services to people who have left or are considering leaving ultra-Orthodox communities. Chani's life and work have been featured in two documentary films, One of Us and Devout, and in numerous news outlets including the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Elle, Haaretz, and The New Yorker. Raised in an ultra-Orthodox Hasidic Jewish home, Chani entered an arranged marriage at age 18 and quickly had three children. During their second pregnancy, Chani learned what a lesbian was thanks to a secret television, Ellen DeGeneres, and a dictionary. At last, Chani had a word for something they always knew themselves to be, yet was never named or discussed. At 23, Chani left the marriage and began a courageous journey to live authentically. With barely a high school diploma and little work experience, Chani earned a bachelor's degree in human development and a master's degree in social work, was ordained as an interfaith minister, and opened a therapy practice while working full-time and raising three children alone. For nearly 20 years, Chani has supported and nurtured a growing community of queer and non-binary people across North America and Europe. The Jewish Women's Archive highlights Chani's pivotal role in supporting the formation and development of organizations and resources for LGBTQ+ people, including those wanting to stay connected to their Orthodox roots. Called 'boundlessly inspiring,' Chani has changed the lives of people from every walk of life. Chani's powerful storytelling and non-judgmental approach create time and space where people can connect with their authentic selves and deepest yearnings to build a life beyond the limitations they have encountered. Learn more at chanigetter.com.

Textauszug

Chapter 3

Make Things Worse

Client Story

Andy walked into the session and immediately started talking excitedly. “I did what you told me to do, and everything changed.”

“What did I tell you to do?” I asked. We talk about so many things in a session that I had no clue what Andy was referring to.

“The challenge,” Andy said. “I made things worse!”

After every session with my clients, I send them a challenge to ground the session. Sometimes it is straightforward: “Follow up with your doctor about the bloodwork.” Sometimes it is simple but not easy: “Notice what you are feeling,” or “Notice how you can be kinder to yourself.” Sometimes it is more a summary of what we talked about, and every so often, it is an inspiration that happens in the session that I frame as a challenge to change the client’s life.

This was one of those times.

August 19, 2020

Challenge:

1 - Write on one forearm “I am noticing.”

2 - Write on your other forearm “Make it worse.”

3 - Continue to name what you are noticing.

4 - Continue to “make it worse” in ALL your relationships—at work, with your siblings, with your partner, and even with friends—and see what happens.

I remember when Andy first reached out to me.

December 29, 2017

Re: Inquiry re Counseling

Hi Chani,

Hope you’re well and having a wonderful holiday season with your loved ones.

I’m writing to inquire regarding your counseling services—if you have any availability in the new year, and what pricing options are currently available?

Thank you in advance for your time, and I very much look forward to hearing from you.

Warm Regards,

Andy

Andy is the only client, to date, who has ever reached out to me with NO information. I have had a few who send me an email telling me that x or y person referred them. Others will say that they had seen me on “One of Us” (a Netflix documentary); still others will tell me about their background or what they were hoping to get out of counseling/therapy/coaching.

In June that year, six months prior to receiving Andy’s email, I was at the Pride March in New York City. My family and I had marched with Footsteps, the nonprofit I work for, as one of the first groups that afternoon. We sat on the sidewalk, watching the many groups that followed us, cheering some of them on. All of a sudden, something hit my head, and the world began to spin. I lay down on the ground and could not get up.

A person had climbed on the scaffolding behind us to dance and in an inebriated state kicked the heavy metal police barricade that was behind us. It fell on my head, my friend’s neck, and my child’s shoulder. All of us would suffer the consequences of that moment for many years to come.

As I lay on the ground that day—my wife calling to the paramedics down the street, the world spinning, my insides churning—I did not know I was suffering from a concussion that would change my life forever, one that would later turn into a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) or, as it is sometimes called, Post Concussion Syndrome (PCS).

When Andy reached out to me, it was the end of 2017, six months after this concussion. Instead of getting better, I was getting worse, and I did not understand yet how to support this injury. It was two more months before I would find a good neurologist to help me get better. I was debating whether I could take on a new client, whether this was a real inquiry or spam. Neither the name nor email signature identified the gender of this person. I could not figure out why they wanted to meet with me, and what had given them the desire to set up an initial session. I stared at this email, intrigued.

Back to the Client Story

My first meeting with Andy was on a Sunday morning. I found out in that first session that she saw me in “One of Us” and felt compelled to work with me. Andy is one of my clients who has made a significant impact on my life from the moment she sent me her first email and continues to do so in every session.

Her commitment to self-growth and her willingness to go to uncomfortable places and to live authentically, despite being taught otherwise, have been an absolute privilege to witness.

Andy grew up homeschooled, in a very Christian home, in middle America. All her social interactions were through church choir and church events. She got married to a man. She did not attend the music school she was accepted to because her husband’s family forbade it, but despite her sacrifices, he left her for another woman.

Somehow, she got herself to New York City, made a successful career, and came out as a lesbian.

I met Andy as she was struggling with health issues. Andy had been taught to quiet her internal voice, to listen to everyone else rather than her own intuition, to push her feelings down, to not question authority, and to say “Yes” to the needs and desires of others and “No” to her own.

This showed up in her personal life and work life, in her relationships with others and herself.

Now it was August 2020—two and a half years of working together, five months into the pandemic. We were talking about boundaries, specifically creating stronger ones at work. Finding a work/life balance that didn’t require her to work the long hours she had always put in.

She was working for a man who would not listen to her. He had ignored her request to designate additional staff to help her on a big project, and she was struggling with how to communicate that without further help, the work would not get done or that she could not do other work until this project was complete—to clearly say what was feasible and what was not.

“So … what do you need to tell your boss?” I asked.

“I need to tell him that he either assigns an additional team member to this project, or I won’t get A and B done for him.”

“What is stopping you from saying that?”

Deep gulp of air. Holding her breath … “I am afraid.”

“What are you afraid of?” I asked.

“Making things worse.”

“How much worse can it get? Right now, you have no help; you can’t seem to get the work done. So, how much worse can it get?” I asked.

During the previous session, we had talked about her speaking up and simply saying what she is noticing: “I am noticing that I don’t have enough help. I am noticing that you are asking me to do D when you have already requested that I do A, B, and C. I am noticing …”

She had written it on her arm and found that it helped. She would be on a Zoom call and look down and notice the words and start saying them out loud but couldn’t bring herself to assert her needs, because she got scared of making things worse.

As I asked the question, “How much worse can it get?” Her body tightened, and she held her breath. “Andy, I am noticing you are holding your breath.”

She laughed, took a deep breath.

“What happens to your body when I ask you about making things worse?”

“My chest tightens.”

“Notice the tightening … breathe …”

“I am really scared.” Her voice sounded like a young girl’s.

“How old do you feel?”

“Young, maybe seven … I would be punished, my things would be taken away, or I would not be allowed to go to church—my only outlet. I am afraid of things being taken away from me.”

“Of course, you are afraid of making things worse. Do you see your seven-year-old self?”

“Yes …”

“Can you sit with her?”

“Maybe.”

After a few more back and forths, I told Andy, “Notice her desire, her need to stop it for fear of the repercussions. She can’t afford to make things worse.”

“No, she can’t.”

“Can you?”

DEEP gulp … “I think … maybe … I might try … I think I might write on my other hand ‘make things worse.’ Maybe this way when I am on Zoom in meetings, I will remember, it’s okay to make things worse by saying what I am noticing.”

For the next few weeks, Andy came in and each time, told how she made things worse. What she was really doing was building her capacity to tolerate discomfort. She told me how terrifying that process was for her and how much courage it took to do this every time. And by doing it—by not following the script she had in her head, instead “making things worse,” her life started to get better. Much...

Produkt-Details

• Erscheint lt. Verlag: 22.4.2025
• Sprache: englisch
• Themenwelt: Sachbuch/Ratgeber
• Themenwelt: Medizin / Pharmazie ► Medizinische Fachgebiete ► Psychiatrie / Psychotherapie
• ISBN-13: 9798990042414 / 9798990042414