Definitions for Living (eBook)

making sense of words and ideas that define our lives

Roy Austin (Autor)

eBook Download: EPUB

2022 | 1. Auflage
200 Seiten
Bookbaby (Verlag)
978-1-6678-1990-7 (ISBN)

Infos

The ability to communicate through the use of words is one of the major skills that distinguishes humans from other creatures. Having a formal language which can be spoken and written has allowed people to create emotional and practical bonds between themselves and others which can transcend not only time and distance but physical and cultural barriers as well. With this unique ability to communicate through language, humans have been able to accomplish what no other creatures could ever accomplish. As a psychotherapist and family counselor for the last forty years, I have become acutely aware of the power of words to both confuse and clarify, to hurt and heal. Over this time I have noticed that certain words and concepts seem to appear repeatedly in conversations between marriage partners, business associates, and other people attempting to develop effective and rewarding relationships. A significant part of the therapy I do with my clients is to help them clarify for themselves and then for others what they mean by what they say. As an extension of my work over the years, I have written a number of articles about some of the more commonly misunderstood words and ideas over which my clients were having conflict. As I have shared the articles with them and with others in workshops and seminars, I have often been asked to make them available to others outside my office. This book is the result of those requests. It is a book of ' working definitions.' You will find that, in this book, my basic approach to defining a word will be somewhat different from that used in a standard dictionary. A typical dictionary, out of necessity, must usually limit a word's definition to a brief, generally accepted meaning and then provide synonyms and antonyms of that word, along with some examples of how the word can be used in a sentence. For my purposes, I will define a word or explain a concept so that it can be more completely understood and thus more effectively applied in every

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The ability to communicate through the use of words is one of the major skills that distinguisheshumans from other creatures. Having a formal language which can be spoken and written hasallowed people to create emotional and practical bonds between themselves and others whichcan transcend not only time and distance but physical and cultural barriers as well. With thisunique ability to communicate through language, humans have been able to accomplish what noother creatures could ever accomplish. Although language is clearly a blessing in many ways, it can itself become a barrier to goodcommunication. Words can provide understanding, intimacy and the ability to achievecommonly shared goals, but they can also produce confusion, hostility and painful consequenceswhen used inappropriately or irresponsibly. As a psychotherapist and family counselor for the last twenty-five years, I have become acutelyaware of the power of words to both confuse and clarify, to hurt and heal. Over this time I havenoticed that certain words and concepts seem to appear repeatedly in conversations betweenmarriage partners, business associates, and other people attempting to develop effective andrewarding relationships. I have discovered that the various meanings and applications of thesewords and ideas are often at the root of the problems people experience in their business andpersonal lives. A significant part of the therapy I do with my clients is to help them clarify for themselves andthen for others what they mean by what they say. As an extension of my work over the years, Ihave written a number of articles about some of the more commonly misundertood words andideas over which my clients were having conflict. As I have shared the articles with them andwith others in workshops and seminars, I have often been asked to make them available to othersoutside my office. This book is the result of those requests. It is a book of "e; working definitions."e; You will findthat, in this book, my basic approach to defining a word will be somewhat different from thatused in a standard dictionary. A typical dictionary, out of necessity, must usually limit a word'sdefinition to a brief, generally accepted meaning and then provide synonyms and antonyms ofthat word, along with some examples of how the word can be used in a sentence. For mypurposes, I will define a word or explain a concept so that it can be more completely understoodand thus more effectively applied in everyday life. I have found that providing a more thoroughdescription of a word or idea is usually more helpful for real-world use than a technicalvocabulary definition. Some chapters fit specifically within the book's title. They "e;define"e; a particular word, such asselfishness or forgiveness, and expand on the working definition to make it a useable concept forreal-world relationships. Other chapters are included, not so much to define a concept as toprovide additional skills for relating well to others. These chapters fit appropriately within thesub-title of the book, for they, too, are some of the ideas that define our lives. Chapter 4, forinstance, will help you know how to respond when someone does not believe you. Chapter 16,Negotiation Skills, will help you understand the idea of negotiation more than define it for you. The meanings and applications of some of these words and concepts may differ at times fromwhat you and I were taught about them growing up. Some who read this book may disagree withmy "e;definitions"e; altogether, for here again, we know that language is often a matter ofinterpretation more than scientific fact. In my attempt to help people makesense out of these ideas and words, I have found that these "e;workable meanings"e; have helpedthem to communicate better with others and to live their lives more effectively. I trust that myapproach does no disservice to our language, but in fact enhances it.

Textauszug

A Legacy of Life

The door to the classroom opened just a bit, and the secretary softly asked me to join her in the hall. She had just received a message for me that Dad had suffered a heart attack and was in critical condition. By the time my wife, Karen, and I arrived at the hospital we had only a short time to see him. He was unconscious and did not know we were there. In a few moments he was gone.

Following the funeral, the family began the painful but necessary task of getting his business in order. While going through Dad’s desk at work, I found a letter in the top drawer. It was addressed to Karen and me. It was sealed, stamped and ready to mail. I was actually a little surprised, for Dad was not a writer of letters. Though we had kept in touch through phone calls and visits, he had rarely written me.

I took the letter aside and opened it. It was but one page, written hastily, it seemed. A chatty letter about his week: “You already know about me being out a few days, but tomorrow is a new week and I will be blowing and a-going again - just a little flurry with my chest, but my heart is OK.” A little further down: “My, what a beautiful day! Say, I have some hogs now; it’s a break from the station to run out and feed them. The goobers [that’s West Texas for peanuts] are about all threshed. See you soon. Study a little, work some and live a lot. Love, Dad.”

My father’s letter meant a great deal to me as the months and years went by. I had realized that it was probably the last thing he wrote before his death, that it was a personal note to Karen and me (which in itself made it special) and that it was the only piece of his writing I owned. It was not until a few years later, however, that its impact on my life really began to take shape in my mind.

Dad was a working man, the product of a generation that had seen two world wars and a devastating economic depression. He, like so many other millions of husbands and fathers, often found life a day-to-day struggle just to get by. He had not amassed any kind of fortune, had not built a great reputation - though he was highly respected in our community as a fine, honest and genuinely Christian man - nor had the time and energy to be the kind of father to me that I feel he had really wanted to be. Thus, I had thought that Dad had not been able to leave me much but some special memories and a few personal momentos.

Years passed. I had finished my education, established my own home and experienced much more of what life is about in my profession as teacher and therapist. Then one day, as I was browsing through some papers, I came across Dad’s letter. I glanced over it casually, as I had done on previous occasions, but then began to read it more carefully with renewed interest. I remembered that Dad had rarely written, that he had never spoken to me of his physical problems before that letter and that both had occurred the day before his death. It began to seem more and more as if he were taking this moment out of his day to tell me something. It was then that I noticed his last words to me: “Study a little, work some and live a lot. Love, Dad.”

As I read these words over and over, I became at first quite confused but then, with continued reflection, very excited. I was confused because it did not sound like what I thought he would have said, nor what he had been able to do in his own life. I became excited because, in hindsight and with more experience, I was beginning to understand that my father had given me much more than I had previously thought. He had left me no money, no business to inherit, no worldly reputation of success to coattail through life on. But in a few short words, with a wisdom beyond most, my father had given me a legacy of life!

STUDY A LITTLE

At first I simply could not understand how my dad could say that I should study only “a little.” He had not had the opportunity for advanced education, and he realized how it had limited his own life. He highly respected education and wanted it for all his children. But in retrospect, I began to understand what I believe my father meant by his first word of advice to me. I have watched many people with seemingly good intentions become “professional students.” They are always studying, reading, planning, going to school, doing research. But they lack the courage and commitment to go out in the world and put into practice what they have learned. I am confident Dad was saying to me, “Son, get a good education, as much as you want. Learn as much about your world as you can. But do not ‘hole up’ in the classroom or the office or your home, always inventing the ‘better mousetrap.’ Sooner or later you have to get out and sell mousetraps! Don’t hide in intellectual pursuits to avoid living life to its fullest.”

WORK SOME

This, too, I did not understand at first. My most vivid memory of my father had always been that of a worker. He had worked hard all his life trying to make ends meet. He did not have much time to play with me, go camping or fishing with me or even take time out for himself. He had no hobbies, little recreation and little time for days off or vacations. To “work some “ was just not my father!

Now I am totally convinced that Dad was very simply and profoundly trying to tell me, “Son, please do not use my work life as a model for your own. I have worked hard because I had to, not because I have wanted to. Your life can be different. You live in a different day, with many more opportunities for a good life without constant labor. Take advantage of your generation. Don’t follow in my footsteps, workwise, just because ‘Dad did it.’ Do not make work your life. Do not become a workaholic who lives to work, but become someone who works to live. Make a good living, but take the long look. You will be a better worker if you do not allow yourself to burn out. Learn to work smarter instead of harder. Realize that work is not the essence of life. Instead, know that the quality of your life gives essence to your work!”

LIVE A LOT

I strongly believe that my father had wanted to live a lot. He, along with most of his generation, however, had been dealt some of life’s harshest blows: a childhood on struggling farms, limited opportunity for formal schooling, a world engulfed in two major holocausts, a horrible time of drought, the great stock market crash and subsequent hard times for most everyone and the constant struggle to recover from it all. It would seem almost a travesty for one who had “lived” so little to have to pass on the wish for the good life to his children without ever tasting for himself the fruits of his labors. I began to understand a little of how Joshua of the Old Testament must have felt when he, not Moses, was given the privilege of entering the promised land. But that is indeed what my father wanted for all his children - a better life than he had, with no feelings of guilt to mar its joy.

I cannot say for sure how much my father knew about what it means to “live a lot.” I have an idea he knew more than I had given him credit for knowing. I am sure, however, that he did not see “living a lot” as just “living it up” (although he was always for having a good time whenever possible). Nor did it mean simply wealth and possessions (though here, again, he did not preach the virtues of poverty, by any means). From what I do know about him and what I have since learned from my own experience, I believe I have some clearer concepts today of what Dad would have shared with me had he the words and opportunity. So, with respect to him and his practical wisdom, here is what I believe he meant me to learn when he urged me to “live a lot.”

To live means to think! To think for yourself, to question the rules before you blindly obey or disobey them. Recognize the conflicting value systems within you, analyze them and reconcile them into a unified system that is right for you.

To live means to appreciate and develop those teachings from your past that have survived the tests of time and reality. At the same time, respect yourself enough to eliminate those which have been proven untrue and unworkable. It means to value the counsel of those who love you and have wisdom to share, but to accept the personal responsibility for your own ultimate decisions.

To live means to feel! It means to become aware of yourself - physically, emotionally and spiritually.

• You must not run from your pain, but value it as the teacher and protector it is.

• You must feel your joys and pleasures so that you may have reason to live.

• You must feel the “agony of defeat” before you can know the “thrill of victory.”

• Only when you feel your frustrations can you know you are reaching for a goal.

• It is only by feeling your grief fully that you can know you have loved and wanted.

• Your anger can be constructive only when you feel it clearly and express it appropriately to solve problems, not to attack others.

• You grow and achieve only when you face your fears head-on and conquer them.

• It is only by feeling realistic guilt that you can recognize your mistakes, forgive yourself and...

Produkt-Details

• Erscheint lt. Verlag: 25.4.2022
• Sprache: englisch
• Themenwelt: Medizin / Pharmazie ► Medizinische Fachgebiete ► Psychiatrie / Psychotherapie
• ISBN-10: 1-6678-1990-9 / 1667819909
• ISBN-13: 978-1-6678-1990-7 / 9781667819907