Chainsaws, Cheeseburgers And Rock N' Roll (eBook)

Book 2 ~ Get There!!

Jesse Green (Autor)

eBook Download: EPUB

2025 | 1. Auflage
452 Seiten
Bookbaby (Verlag)
979-8-3178-1691-9 (ISBN)

Infos

THE CONTINUATION OF THE CRAZY STORY BEHIND THE HIT MOTIVATIONAL SHOW! (STILL RATED R) (ALL RIDERS MUST STILL BE AT LEAST THIS TALL TO GO: -------) Get back in the van. IT'S - ON!!!!!!!!!!

Dr. 'The Machine' Jesse Green * World famous Master Chainsaw Sculptor * Highly acclaimed Motivational Speaker * Star of the Primetime TV series, AMERICAN CHAINSAW on National Geographic Channel * Honorary Doctor of Arts * International Commercial Series Lead for ESPN/ Disney * Front Man for the band, Fevah Dream * Formerly The Official Chainsaw Sculptor of Husqvarna USA. * Former National Emcee/ Showrunner/ Ax Thrower for The Paul Bunyan Lumberjack Show * Proud Son, Husband, Father * Double Cheeseburger * OOoo- now 2-time Author! * Beach Bum *Featured in: The Washington Post, The New York Times, The Boston Globe, NPR, Funny Or Die, America's Got Talent, The WWE, The Soup on E!, NASCAR, The Hollywood Reporter, Variety and nearly every other major press and entertainment outlet in the U.S. along with other national commercials, radio, books, podcasts, viral social media content, etc. *...And wears sunglasses 24/7. For more visit: ChainsawsCheeseburgersAndRockNRoll.com And: TheMachineJesseGreen.com

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CHAPTER 2 Guys Like You Are A Dime A Dozen

After booking the lumberjack show in one easy shot, I next turned my attention to doing as much research as I possibly could. Studying every, single, other chainsaw artist out there in the world. And in doing so, a recurring notion kept grabbing my attention...

That all chainsaw artists everywhere are part of a "brotherhood".

“The Brotherhood Of Chainsaw Carvers” they called it.

The idea being that we all support each other, cheer for each other, swap techniques, swap advise, etc. So, I just automatically believed all of this AND OF COURSE I wanted to be in!!!

(Remember now, the whole story of college for me was my fraternity so I was pumped!) Thinkin’; “Oh my God, this is great!!! These guys will guide me!!” (...HA!)

The other recurring theme that almost everyone seemed to have in common was that they almost ALL appeared to be doing carving competitions.

Now, if you don’t know- a chainsaw carving competition is a live event done in front of roving crowds where multiple carvers compete side-by-side within specific parameters such as genre. There’s a time limit of anywhere from a few hours to a few days. Sometimes there’s a panel of judges, sometimes the crowd decides... Either way the winners get (ok) money for the top prizes and the losers (generally) get nothing. Definitely NOT my cup of tea... Because as fast as I can often be- I DO NOT consider myself a speed carver, man, I prefer to take my sweet time whenever I create anything. Feeling rushed – to me – SUCKS. And I’ve never liked the idea of competing with other artists like that, I just wouldn’t find it fun. Especially considering that who wins aaaall really comes down to just pure, simple opinion.

(God knows I got enough of that sort of judging back in Art school.)

No, if I’m gonna create something cool and complex in front of people- THE LAST THING I want is to have to out-do the person next to me too. Fuuuu-uu-uuuck that.

I also can’t see wanting to pay out-of-pocket to get there, stay somewhere, invest the time, run my equipment for a few days, then possibly have to drag some GIANT themed piece back with me that I’d either have to then sell somehow or possibly sit on somewhere indefinitely. For zero guaranteed money. Or sell it there (IF you’re lucky.) Which for sure means often having to sell it for cheap. Or just straight “DONATING” the piece.

It’s the sort of thing you have to really WANT to do is what I’m saying. But with little other for info to go on, I just thought that I HAD TO do carving competitions. That is- IF I wanted to attain the official status of “Pro”. (I didn’t know.) So, I decided to find one as close to home as I could and go.

Well, chainsaw sculpture is mostly out in the upper Northwestern U.S. with a smidgen out in the Midwest, it’s not really a New England thing comparatively. So, there was NOTHING near me.

I always knew this could work to my advantage and give me a nice, little lock on the market in the greater Boston area!!! However, the only closest carving competition was waaaaaaay the fuck out in upstate New York like 8 hours away. BUT- as luck would have it (or so I thought...) It was being put on by a guy who only lived like an hour away, IN my same state! (A break!!)

Now… According to his (pretty crappy) website he hadn’t been carving for as long as I had, and quite honestly, I definitely thought my stuff was better. But he was about 15 years older, so clearly, he had the means before me and therefore had been able to do it professionally for a few years already. (To whatever degree.) Still, I took it as another sure-fire SIGN that it was all meant to be!!! I was super pumped to find him!! And decided to call up and ask if I could perhaps get in on his New York competition. But more than that- to basically just also say; 'Hey!!! What’s up, BROTHER?!?! Let's be best friends forever!!! You carve, I carve... I'm going to California soon... What do you know that I don’t??? Tell me EVERYTHING!!! Give me all your best-est, most wisest insights! I mean... We ARE all one big BROTHERHOOD... Right?!?!'

“I’m a roast, baste me.”

(Dennis Miller in the movie, Joe Dirt)

I HONESTLY THOUGHT (based on everything I'd read on the web) that he’d be into that.

OF COURSE he’d want to be BFFs and take me under his wing! Drop knowledge nuggets about the business, maybe even offer to TRAIN ME!! And I guess... I was hoping he would sort of... give me his blessing too, you know? Like... officially dub me good to go.

I don’t know.

Well… I get him on the phone (first try), introduce myself, proceed to tell him how I’m getting into the business, that I’m looking for a guide, and could I maybe get in on his competition? And – what – do – you – think..... was his reaction?

Put it this way- HE DID NOT want to be best friends. And he sure as HELL didn’t want to bless me. HE DID however want to get a few things off his chest immediately...

This – fuckin’ – cocksucker... (let's call him Douchebag Carver...) proceeded to YELL AT ME.

(Actually yell.)

He let me know REEEEEEEEAL QUICK what I could do with the whole 'Brotherhood Of Chainsaw Carvers, we all support each other, rah rah’ bullshit I’d bought into online. Literally shouting things like;

“AWWW! AWWW! GUYS LIKE YOU ARE A DIME A DOZEN!!!!! YOU COME ALONG YOU’LL DO SHIT FOR FREE!! YER TAKIN' FOOD OFFA MY KID'S TABLE! (RABBLE, RABBLE, RABBLE...)”

WHOA!?!

“Uhhhhhh........ What???” I said stunned like it was one of those bad dreams where you’re so dumfounded that you just freeze. As he proceeds to tell me that I was getting “SCREWED OVER” by Lee!?!

“I’D NEVER TAKE A DEAL LIKE THAT!! I’D NEVER GO THAT FAR FOR THAT KIND OF MONEY!!! YOU’RE MAKIN’ EVERYONE ELSE LOOK BAD!!!” And on and on it went. I didn't know WHAT the fuck to think or WHO the fuck to believe by the end??? But before I could finally just get the fuck off the phone, he managed to calm down long enough to angrily mutter;

“FINE! You can be in the competition, but you better not back out!!”

Huh?! Shit, in all the lecturing I'd completely forgotten about his competition- now I REALLY didn’t know what the fuck to say???

“Uhhh... Yeah... I mean... uh... of course... I’ll be there.” I answered automatically because I was just so stunned. Hung up the phone and spent the next few days very, very confused, the awesome feeling of riding high on the L.A. news now COMPLETELY fuckin’ gone.

‘The fuck???’ I thought. I knew I wasn't making a killing on Cali, but I also knew that I was only just starting out! I had zero show experience, and I really didn't think it was a BAD deal at all!! Especially considering the miserable situation I’d just come from... Hell, it was a WAY better deal than that!! I mean, it’s not like I was paying to go (LIKE I WOULD HAVE HAD TO FOR HIS FUCKIN’ SHOW, I want to be sure to note.) I was getting paid! Paid to go to California!! MY DREAM!!! No, I wasn't expecting to make out like Madonna but fuck, man... He made me doubt everything!!! And I almost let him talk me out of the whole damn thing!!!

I didn't want to make others look bad (however I’d be doing that???) Or have people HATE me!? But I CERTAINLY didn’t want to be “screwed over” either if it turned out that HE was actually RIGHT... AND MAYBE I SHOULDN’T trust Lee??????

I DIDN’T KNOW!!!

It really took a few days to get a grip on exactly what had happened. Why he’d screamed at me like that and what was his true motivation.

Ultimately (((thankfully))) I decided to keep my commitment to Lee. Roll the dice, take the chance, follow my instincts and go to Cali.

As for Douchebag Carver- I sent him my 2ND business email ever. Politely made up an excuse and bagged out of his stupid competition. And to this day that’s the only time I’ve ever given entering any type of carving competition any consideration. Because in that one, highly uncomfortable, very sobering phone call- I learned more about competition (TRUE COMPETITION) than I believe I ever could have otherwise... travelling the country going head-to-head with others for a ribbon, a title or a prize. And here’s the lesson:

No matter what you do to earn money in this world, someone out there is trying to do – the – exact – same – thing, man.

And NOBODY... (really...) wants the competition.

Nobody.

I don’t care what anybody says, if you could be the only game in town- you’d take it. Of course you would! You’re crazy if you don’t. That’s the reason there’s laws in this country to prevent monopolies. Otherwise, the biggest companies would simply corner every market and everyone would be forced to pay whatever they demand for it.

“I want you to understand something- we are not subject to city, state or federal regulations, we are omnipotent. OMNIPOTENT. That’s po-tent with an...

Produkt-Details

• Erscheint lt. Verlag: 22.11.2025
• Sprache: englisch
• Themenwelt: Literatur ► Biografien / Erfahrungsberichte
• ISBN-13: 979-8-3178-1691-9 / 9798317816919