Ward of the State (eBook)

Abort the Adoption

Karlos Dillard (Autor)

eBook Download: EPUB

2025 | 1. Auflage
296 Seiten
Bookbaby (Verlag)
979-8-3509-8923-6 (ISBN)

Infos

Abort the Adoption is a raw and groundbreaking continuation of Karlos Dillard's journey, picking up where Ward of the State: A Memoir of Foster Care left off. After finding a rare sense of safety and belonging, Karlos' life takes a dramatic turn as he enters an adoptive home filled with abuse and racial violence. As an openly gay Black boy, Karlos faced the compounded challenges of being a Black, LGBTQIA+ youth in an environment that offered no understanding or support. In school, he endured relentless bullying and racism, deepening the isolation and identity struggles that many LGBTQIA+ foster youth and transracial adoptees face.

Karlos Dillard is a published author and Advocate with a passion for fostering understanding around adoption and foster care issues. As a transracial adoptee, Karlos has conducted training for foster families and adoption agencies, covering critical topics like transracial adoption, adoption trauma, and financial literacy for foster youth. As a respected speaker, Karlos has been interviewed by CNN, MSNBC, NPR, and other major networks, sharing his perspective on adoption and foster care. His engagements span colleges, adoption agencies, and conferences, including his role as the 2025 Plenary Speaker for the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP). Through his story of growing up as a transracial adoptee, Karlos sparks powerful conversations on race in America, bridging understanding and encouraging audiences to confront issues of systemic racism, privilege, and empathy.

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Abort the Adoption is a raw and groundbreaking continuation of Karlos Dillard's journey, picking up where Ward of the State: A Memoir of Foster Care left off. After finding a rare sense of safety and belonging, Karlos' life takes a dramatic turn as he enters an adoptive home filled with abuse and racial violence. As an openly gay Black boy, Karlos faced the compounded challenges of being a Black, LGBTQIA+ youth in an environment that offered no understanding or support. In school, he endured relentless bullying and racism, deepening the isolation and identity struggles that many LGBTQIA+ foster youth and transracial adoptees face. This memoir goes beyond traditional storytelling by creating an immersive, interactive experience that allows readers to step into the emotional depth of each chapter. Abort the Adoption unveils the harsh realities within a system that imposes lifelong agreements on children without their choice or informed consent. Through traumatic experiences with practices like Rebirthing Therapy and the Troubled Teen Institutions, Karlos sheds light on the dangers of interventions that prioritize control over child-centered care. This book offers a raw, interactive look at the adoption industry's failures and the urgent need for compassion, reform, and support for adoptees, especially those from marginalized communities. Karlos' story is a call to action, urging society to elevate the voices of adoptees in the pursuit of a more understanding and supportive system. Some of the names in this book have been changed in order to maintain the dignity and privacy of others. This book depicts language that was developed from an adolescent's viewpoint, the tone and vocabulary reflect that. This book is based on Karlos' ages 8 to 15

Textauszug

CHAPTER 1

My Last Foster Home

I’m again in the back of Jennifer’s Pontiac Grand Am on my way to yet another foster home. I thought agreeing to the adoption would mean no more foster homes, immediately. But that’s not the case. There’s a six-month visitation period where I have to visit my potential adoptive parents on the weekends. So once again, I’m on my way to a new foster home. I’ve lost count of how many there’ve been. Even though I’m annoyed that I must go to another foster home, I’m no longer afraid. I have survived so much at this point—child abuse and molestation; I was even cursed by a voodoo bruja with a peg leg. What else could possibly happen to me?

Jennifer, who has been my social worker from the very beginning, looked back at me from the driver’s seat and squinted her eyes. “Carlos, you seem more relaxed during this move than usual. Is there a reason why?”

“Not really, I am just not afraid anymore,” I said with a smirk. “I know Joe’s coming to my new home with me and I’ll be saved by my adoption in six months, all I have to do is get through six months.”

She flashed a smile through the rearview mirror catching a glimpse of me smiling. With Joe by my side, this would be so easy; he is not only my foster brother but also my best friend.

It took us a little over an hour to drive from Allegan Michigan, where my hopeful adoptive parents, Sean and Debbie, lived, back to Muskegon. It was just after Christmas so there was plenty of snow on the roads and much more falling as we drove. We made our way through the familiar Muskegon streets, but they now seemed even more run down. This is something I hadn’t thought was possible. These tired roads were familiar, and as we drove, I plotted the many foster homes I’d been to all over the city—in fact, the entire state. I’d been to so many places that as we made our way to my new home, I knew exactly where we were.

We pulled up to a single-story brick home with the Christmas lights still up. Like most homes in Muskegon, it was modest but this one was well cared for. Jennifer and I got out of the car and she went to the trunk to get my suitcase. It was tan and had wheels and I felt so special to have a place to put my clothes. It was given to me by Sean and Debbie.

“We don’t want you carrying your things around in a trash bag,” they’d said.

I walked up to the front door, proudly pulling my suitcase behind me, and knocked on the white iron screen door. I heard footsteps running toward the door before it flew open, revealing Joe. He unlocked the screen door and threw his arms around me in a big hug. I hugged him back tightly. I was so excited to see him and honestly, I didn’t truly believe we would make it to the same foster home. Nothing goes the way they promise in foster care. Joe bombarded me with information. He told me he was transferred to Nims Elementary so we would be going to the same school. He was very excited about that. He said he’d been there for a few days. He told me he heard what I said and the awful things Aaron did to us, so Joe told Catholic Social Services what happened.

“Are you okay?” I asked him, looking deep into his eyes.

He simply nodded, took my hand, and dragged me through the house to show me our bedroom. We had a new TV with a PlayStation 2 and brand new bunk beds with new mattresses (that weren’t soaked in pee like the ones at the Millers’ house). I couldn’t believe our luck.

Joe was helping me unpack my suitcase when there was a soft knock on the door. I turned around and saw a Black woman maybe in her mid-forties. She looked young and had a curly, slicked-back ponytail. She had on bright red lipstick and a grey tracksuit. She asked us to call her Dee. She asked me to join her and Jennifer in the kitchen. Jennifer was sitting at the kitchen table that was in the corner of the room. It was a pretty large rectangle kitchen with the sink and appliances on the furthest wall. There was yellow paint on the walls with half-wall wood paneling. It had the traditional diamond pattern square linoleum flooring popular at the time that was clearly freshly washed and well taken care of. In fact, every part of her house was clean and tidy.

Jennifer asked me if I liked the house, and I nodded.

“We worked really hard to get you and Joe together in the same house. Ms. Dee was willing to get a bunk bed for you both to make room,” Jennifer said while getting up from the table.

Jennifer turned to Dee and handed her the Ziplock bag full of the meds I was currently on. I was on a cocktail of psychotropic medications since my stay at Pine Rest Mental Hospital in Grand Rapids. I can only remember the names of a few, including Adderall, Risperdal, and Ritalin. Jennifer instructed Dee on my med schedule, turned back to me, and smiled.

“You’re gonna have a good time here. Dee is one of the best.

She also reminded me of my visit with the Gums the following weekend. Then she said goodbye to Dee, Joe, and me and headed out the door into the Michigan winter. I watched her from the door as she pulled out of the snowy driveway and the red taillights faded into the darkness of the winter night. By this point in my life, I was an expert at adjusting to a new placement but Dee’s house felt different. This house felt safe; Dee had a calming, authentic energy that made you feel at ease. That was something I wasn’t used to.

After Jennifer left, Joe and I went back to our room and continued to unpack my suitcase. I pulled out my Game Boy Advance that I had gotten for Christmas, the hottest toy of the season that year.

“Dang, your new adoptive parents got you that?” Joe asked, indicating he wanted to check it out.

“Yeah, they did. I got a lot of presents,” I told him, handing him the Game Boy. As he played Pokémon, I told him about the Gums. “Their house is so huge and nice! I share a room with Chris, Sean’s son—he had him with his first wife. Chris seems pretty cool. He is a little shy, but we both like Legos and video games. He is also teaching me how to race his new go-kart he got for Christmas. We’re expanding the track in the Gums’ five acres of woods and also building a fort!” I was talking too fast and Joe started laughing.

“I’m really happy for you, Carlos. You deserve the best.”

After we got all of my clothes put away, we chilled and watched That’s So Raven on the Disney channel. It was so cool having a nice new TV that had actual cable, unlike the TV we had at the Millers’ house. Joe hadn’t mentioned anything about what happened while I was with the Gums for the holidays. After I told Debbie what had been happening, I wondered how his removal went at the Millers’. I didn’t want to pressure him but I was overjoyed that he got out as well and we got placed into the same foster home. I figured he would share with me what happened when he was ready, but for now, I was going to enjoy the moment.

Dee knocked on the cracked door and asked to come in.

“Yeah,” Joe and I said in unison as we often did, in addition to finishing each other’s sentences.

“Do y’all wanna go with me to the grocery store to pick up some snacks and foods you all like?”

We were shocked. The Millers never gave us a decision on snacks or favorite foods. Hell, they in fact did the opposite. They would purchase food like steaks and pizza for their family while they fed the foster kids ramen noodles or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. So the fact that Dee was willing to offer to take us to the grocery store so we could pick out what we wanted blew our minds. Of course, we jumped out of our bunk beds and got ready to go.

Joe and I got into the back of Dee’s SUV, and we headed off to the store. While we were driving, Dee was telling us about herself, her son, and what we could expect from living with her.

“I am not like these other foster parents; I am not here to replace your parents. I am here to keep you safe and teach you the basics of being a young adult,” Dee said. “That includes teaching you how to balance a budget and clean after yourself.”

Dee went on to tell Joe and me that she wasn’t fostering for the money and noticed how high our monthly stipend was. For me alone, it was over two thousand dollars. She told us she’d seen amounts that high but had heard about some foster parents purposely lying to the pediatricians who treat their foster youth about their behavior. This included encouraging the doctor to misdiagnose children based on false reports from foster parents.

“Since y’all get so much, I will give you half to spend on your own each month and get things you need, like your haircuts, toys, and candy. But don’t think you are going to be spending all your money on candy. I’mma teach you how to budget and split it up.”

Dee went on to tell us that we need to split the money in four ways. She said 25 percent should be saved automatically, and 25 percent goes toward living needs (soaps, haircuts, and things like that. She said that 25 percent can be used on food and candies, and the last 25 percent goes toward...

Produkt-Details

• Erscheint lt. Verlag: 23.1.2025
• Sprache: englisch
• Themenwelt: Literatur ► Biografien / Erfahrungsberichte
• ISBN-13: 979-8-3509-8923-6 / 9798350989236