Dates & Don'ts (eBook)

An exploration of dating in modern times

Aniela Vogel (Autor)

Catherine Ebneter (Komponist)

eBook Download: EPUB

2022 | 1. Auflage
165 Seiten
tredition (Verlag)
9783347667792 (ISBN)

Infos

Dates & Don'ts is an intimate exploration of relationships in modern times told through a collection of stories that will make you gasp, giggle, and growl. It follows a Swixican (Swiss-Mexican) in her early thirties as she wades through the murky waters of dating in digital times. It is an incredibly relatable, feel-good novel that touches on themes like dating rituals, gender stereotypes, self-confidence, and sexuality. If you're looking for an uplifting, fresh, and funny take on dating told by a modern woman, this book is for you.

Textauszug

Premieres, Perspiration, Perseverance & Protection

I t‘s been a spectacular summer in Zurich, with endless sunshine and sunsets the color of cotton candy. I just moved in with my friend Bo for a few weeks while I look for a permanent place to stay. At Bo's, I'm surrounded by the smell of fresh flowers, posters with positive quotes, and general femininity. Even better, I have a friend to drink a cup of tea with and watch local starlets eat a live tarantula on TV while their teammates watch them with eyes wide open, wanting them to give up and cry as much as we do.

I love the city I call home, but I'm ecstatic when my friend Liz invites me to spend a weekend in Nuremberg with her and her charming fiance, Eric. I've known her for over a decade, since our first day of high school in Mexico. Even before one of my best friends introduced us, I was familiar with her boisterous laugh, like most of the other 90students in our class. I can still hear it echoing through the halls of our school.

Truthfully, her invitation to spend a weekend in Nuremberg doesn't come as a surprise; after all, it's only been two months since the breakup — and she probably doesn't fully believe my affirmations over Facetime that I really am feeling good and enjoying life. I am doing just fine, except for the occasional pang of guilt for how well I'm handling things.

Liz wants to check on me, distract me and make sure I'm as happy with my current life situation as I claim. I bet she's even stocked up on chocolate ice cream and tissues just in case I crumble under her inquisitive, Mexican "are-you-really-okay?" gaze. But no, not me —I've got all my life to live, and I've got all my love to give, and I'm singing along with Gloria Gaynor on this one.

The circumstances of my breakup were radically different from Gloria's. You could say Alex and I just drifted apart little by little over the 12 years we were together. Toward the end, we were basically roommates sharing an apartment. Alex was never a particularly passionate or romantic person. At first, I found his candor and assertiveness refreshing. I was craving a contrast to the outdated concept of telenovela love I was exposed to in Mexico. The kind that often portrays women as either beautiful, humble, and devoted (the protagonist) or beautiful but treacherous and jealous (the antagonist). Instead, I yearned for a relationship between two equals who love one another, enjoy freedom in a relationship, and don't idolize each other.

In the beginning, it was great, but unfortunately, all that freedom created a lot of space between us. Over time, our romantic love gave way to a strong friendship. The stronger our friendship, the less expressive and tactile we became, and the more we took each other for granted. Lengthy dinners and conversations about our goals were replaced by routine Netflix and Chill evenings; hugs and maybe tomorrows substituted real intimacy. We were with each other all the time, but somehow rarely together.

It wasn't one dramatic event that led to our breakup. In the end, it was the many little things that I tried to see as trivial but, in truth, were important to me. Like the way he never asked to hold hands or how when I interlaced my fingers with his, he'd squeeze them for the briefest moment and then let go. I adapted to what he preferred so many times. I'd tell myself that we didn't have to hold hands, or go to dinner with my friends, that it was okay to go skiing even though it terrified me.

Sound familiar? Like many humans in love, I accommodated my partner's wishes without protest, without bargaining. At first, because I loved him, and then at some point out of habit to keep the peace. One day I finally realized I'd compromised a lot more than he had. I grew tired of putting aside my goals and desires to suit his. He never coerced me, though. I did it willingly. I thought compromise was the key to a happy relationship—and I still believe it is, but only when both partners give in even measure. But after over a decade together, I realized there was so much I wanted to do differently in my life. Despite Alex's best efforts to stop me from abandoning what he saw as our joint lifeboat, it was clear that parting ways was the only option.

So I ended our relationship without giving him what he considered a valid reason. I told him I wanted to "find myself" borrowing a line out of a 90s romantic comedy. I needed time alone to prioritize self-care and find out who I truly was: to become one whole person again instead of someone's "better half" (I've always hated that expression anyway. It implies we're incomplete if we're single—what nonsense.). And is rediscovering oneself not a good enough reason to do anything in life, really?

Our breakup was relatively peaceful and grown-up. It came after a brief period of quarreling and blaming each other, something that was unusual for us. There wasn't a trail of broken china or doors slammed in each other's faces, but that didn't mean the decision to move out was easy. It wasn't hard to lug the few boxes and bags with my belongings out of our home, but it was difficult to watch Alex stay. It pains me to think that he's constantly faced with reminders of our life together. I get to move on—literally, while he invariably opens his eyes every day to the apartment we furnished, lived in, and even built together.

Even though he was gracious to include me in the planning and construction of the apartment, I'm thankful I left most of the big decisions to him: the color of the bathroom tiles, the position of the power outlets, and the finishing on the toilet paper holders. He was thirty-three and enjoyed the excitement of building a property. I was twenty-three-year-old and doing an exchange year in Madrid; the last thing I wanted to think about was how a glorified ass-paper holder was going to set us back 80 francs—and we needed two of them. That was my weekly party budget!

*

So, now, I want to show Liz that I'm okay. All I can think of on the train to Nuremberg is whether she'll be commiserating with me. Scratch that thought: even before I exit the train, I spot her waving her arms enthusiastically and screaming, "woooh!" I laugh and utter a "wooh" to myself, louder than expected, and a few fellow passengers turn in my direction. I shrug and point at Liz, whose face is beaming with a big smile. It's amazing how seeing a long-time friend can have the same invigorating effect as a shot of espresso.

On the platform, it's already apparent that the city is busier than usual, even if it's only 11 a.m. I picked this weekend to visit Liz and Eric because of the Bardentreffen, a three-day music festival that attracts people from all over the region. Ironically, they have tickets for another concert in Munich tonight. So after a quick tour of their apartment, they head off for the 4-hour long drive.

From the window, I watch their car move like a ladybug ambling down the serpentine road until they turn the corner past the Frauentor, one of the city's four emblematic gate towers. The streets and buildings shimmer as if bathed in gold. The air is hot, and a cool breeze blows fresh air, heavy with a rumor of chords and percussion. If a city could smile, this would be it.

Well, I'll have to explore the city on my own. A fun prospect—or would some company be more exciting? I might try my luck with a dating app. I'll be honest, I set up my Tinder profile about a week ago but more as an initiation into single life than out of a genuine interest in kick-starting my dating life. But tonight, I think I'm ready to tread the treacherous waters of the Tinder Swamp to meet new people. It's got to be more fun to explore an unfamiliar town with someone new. I wonder if I should think of ways to gracefully flee if I end up on a terrible date like the ones my single friends have told me about.

But you want to know what is really terrible? My sense of direction, to the point that I'll choose Google Maps over human company on a trip if I have to. Good thing I have three gigs of data to help me escape in case I run into an alligator lurking in the singles swamp. Most likely, though, I'll match with a tadpole or frog just looking for a good time. In other places in the world, like Mexico, my home for the first 18 years of my life, exploring a city alone would be more difficult. In less secure cities, you always have to be vigilant, treat your wallet as an appendage, and question every random act of kindness, which might be neither random nor kind.

Not in Nuremberg and especially not in Switzerland. The fact that I can walk through a city alone at night gives me a delightfully rare sense of freedom, considering that so many women across the globe feel unsafe walking home after dark. It's one more damn privilege living here affords on an awfully long list—and it's one I especially cherish. That and drinking fresh water from the tap still makes my heart swell with gratitude even after 14 years of living in Europe.

Picking up my phone, I hold my breath, realizing that it's been 12 years since my last first date. Back then, I was a teenager with a love for Long Island ice tea and low-cut tops. Flirting has never been my strong suit, but it was easier in those circumstances, which I'm not interested in replicating today. Nor do I want to—my goal is simply to meet people, get out of my comfort zone, and learn from every experience. That way, when I'm ready for a relationship in the future, I'll have a better idea of what I want and what I don't.

I open Tinder, encouraged by the notion that I'm just here to get to know the...

Produkt-Details

• Erscheint lt. Verlag: 3.5.2022
• Illustrationen: Noélie Martin
• Verlagsort: Ahrensburg
• Sprache: englisch
• Themenwelt: Literatur ► Romane / Erzählungen
• Themenwelt: Sachbuch/Ratgeber ► Gesundheit / Leben / Psychologie ► Partnerschaft / Sexualität
• Schlagworte: and • are • But • CAN • Day • Find • FOR • from • Had • Hand • have • Like • Moment • Must • One • Place • See • She • that • the • they • this • through • Time • what • when • with • would • You • Your
• ISBN-13: 9783347667792 / 9783347667792