Funny Business (eBook)

Rodney Marks (Autor)

eBook Download: EPUB

2018 | 1. Auflage
100 Seiten
Made for Success Publishing (Verlag)
978-1-64146-289-1 (ISBN)

Infos

Funny Business: management unmasked is an expose of management as it is practiced in business, government and the non-profit sector.Keywords are explained through humour, making them better understood than a library of management textbooks.Management theories and applications are made memorable through savage wit and fearless comedy. This book is an ideal gift for bosses, peers and subordinates to give to each other. It is similarly useful to distribute at conferences and semonars, to question assumptions and the status quo.Each business word in the book holds a bundle of meanings, and can serve to create entertaining and productive discussions.

Textauszug

 

 

ability

The capacity to prove potential capability. The attribute that distinguishes competent managers from incontinent ones. Diminutive for billability.

abnormal

Not like me. Common reasons for frequenting the gym.

about-face

A 180 degree policy reversal. Often revolutionary; that is, 360 degrees; also known as an O-curve. An about-face is usually prefaced by denial, a refusal to apologise and an appeal to pragmatism. Anything after a preface.

above-the-line

Paid promotion that you agree is a gamble, such as TV, radio and print advertising. Expenses worth underlining.

absenteeism

(See presenteeism)

absurdity

A belief said to be false by someone, like me, who does not share it.

academia

Hard-shelled nuts.

academic

The most insulting word in any language.

accident

Lack of belief in predetermination or the divine providence of coincidence. Unbudgeted research. Or what should have been within room for error.

account executive

Semi-permeable listening device.

accountability

An out-of-fashion concept that refers to people being held responsible for their own actions. Pre-dates, and made redundant by, the concept of blaming, which is central to organisational behaviour.

accounting

The rewriting of history, in columns and rows, to justify to shareholders what you did with their money. Counting.

accounts payable

Money you’ll eventually pay those suppliers who you’ve selected to keep in business.

accounts receivable

Money that’s owed to you by customers using you as their choice of bank, due to your preferred terms: no loan application fee, no interest, no credit rating downgrade. Best located in the marketing department.

acccuracy

Presicely. Claims that will haunt you.

achievement

Abandoning a larger task.

acquisition

(See merger)

acronyms and initialisms

Short-cuts to obscurity.

action

A delegated task.

actionable

Any task delegated to someone else.

activism

The belief that campaigning to bring about political or social change will bring about political or social change. And the belief that the change will last and be worthwhile.

actors

Managers: those who strut and fret their hour upon the stage, then are heard no more.

actuary

Someone who tells your insurer when you should die. The reason for separation of powers

added value

Something substituted for deducted value.

adhocracy

Any organisational unit other than your own.

adjacencies

Positive spin on mission creep.

administrivia

A management task imposed on you.

advertisement

1. An untruth tolerated as entertainment. Or true words accompanying false pictures.
2. A glowing endorsement organised and paid for by the endorsee.

advertising

Creating demand for something by highlighting its worst feature.

advertising standards

The ethical benchmarking of paid public persuasion.

advisory panel

A pane in the glass.

affairs

Intra-corporate entrepreneurship.

affiliate

1. (noun) A person or organisation with a hierarchical ranking somewhere between an associate and a partner

2. (verb) To align your values with another’s by disregarding any that are not shared.

affirmative action

Discrimination against the successful. Coercion in the name of equality. Choosing equality over quality.

affluence

Your personal assistant has a PA.

after-sales service

Mythical organisational process, sometimes located in an imaginary, eponymous department with a toll-free number.

ageism

The belief that all ages are the same – even in their differences.

agenda

Secret list of outcomes unknown to all meeting participants.

agent

A commissioned friend.

aggression

Part of the managerial power game, compensating for a lack of technical expertise.

AGM (Annual General Meeting)

Yearly public book-ending of apology and astrology, where top management attest they have read what they signed.

agreement

Reluctant, begrudging, antipathetic acceptance.

aim

Off-target archery metaphor, whose misguided objectives are to add more strings to the bow of direction, and to insert more arrows in the quiver of purpose.

alcohol

Liquid in which to dissolve business ethics. Helps prevent managerialese.

alcoholism

Shot of holism imbibed by managers.

alienation

What successful managers feel.

alignment

An agreeable truce, based on battle exhaustion, when ADHD has become PTSD.

alliance

A union of managers who lie to others to such an extent that they cannot decide how to lie to their deserving superiors.

all things being equal (ceteris paribus)

Taking variables away.

all your ducks are in a row

As in ‘all your stars are aligned’, this business cliché refers to a series of chance events which serendipitously support your argument, strategy or business.

alliance

Working together under your direction.

allocation

Notionally an economic term about choosing where to distribute resources over time. It is the real exercise of power, being the manifestation of favouritism, cronyism, nepotism and incompetence, which economists generally illustrate rather than explain.

alternative

Going out on a limb (i.e., on the other hand) or a whim.

altruism

Helping others for your own satisfaction. The umbrella term for all isms.

ambition

Point of difference in career advancement when your achievements are not enough. When your aims speak louder than your actions.

analogy

Something you catch from cross-pollinated ideas.

analysis

Being anal about the banal.

(See ballpark)

analysis paralysis

Assessing a project initially qualitatively and ultimately quantitatively against a plethora of hierarchies and an aggregation of continua followed by a collection of assessment criteria before feeding the raw data back into the system and up the line with a request for further funding.

analytical

A qualifier used to mask gut-feel.

antique

The antics of a superannuated leader. Anything not updated within the past three years.

antitrust legislation

Proof of government distrust of business. Enforced by government monopolies.

Thought: If government represents business, but business does not represent government, on what basis is antitrust legislation good and tax evasion bad?

anxiety

Worry brought on by managers contemplating the legitimacy of their profession.

anziety

1. The stress felt by a manager after sending an email to the team leader, prior to spell-checking.
2. Anxiety Down Under.

apology

Preparing the ground for a future indiscretion. Usually preceded by a denial.

appeal

1. A cry in the wilderness.
2. A clarion call.

application

Pathetic attempt to fit your background into the selection criteria by writing a self-referential reference.

(See résumé)

...

Produkt-Details

• Erscheint lt. Verlag: 23.2.2018
• Sprache: englisch
• Themenwelt: Literatur ► Comic / Humor / Manga
• ISBN-10: 1-64146-289-2 / 1641462892
• ISBN-13: 978-1-64146-289-1 / 9781641462891