CHAPTER ONE:
LET YOUR LIFE SPEAK
IT’S POSSIBLE TO MIS-LIVE YOUR LIFE
I must warn you to begin. I am compelled to tell you something terrifying. We all have fears, but most of us aren’t terrified of what should petrify us.
I’m afraid of dogs. I was brutally attacked by a German Shepherd when I was a child. I’m a little afraid of flying. Never was before I had children. And I’m afraid of sharks when I swim in the ocean, even though I know statistically I have more of a chance of dying in a car accident, by drowning, from an accidental fall, or as a result of a medical error. Still I am afraid of sharks. Some people are afraid of snakes and spiders, others are afraid of the dark. But let me tell you what terrifies me.
I am petrified of mis-living my life. You can mis-live your life. Most people never consider it as a possibility, but it’s true. You can mis-live your life. Let it sink in. It is possible.
We assume that all lives are well-lived. It isn’t true. We deceive ourselves. Go to most funerals and you will hear about a well-lived life, even though everyone in attendance knows different.
A person’s adolescence and early adulthood is often referred to as his or her “misspent youth.” It is usually a playful reference to a period in a person’s life when they engaged in activities considered unproductive, lazy, wasteful, and even dangerous in hindsight. The idea of a misspent youth is often laughed off, but the truth is, there are a good number of people who engaged in exactly the same behavior who are in prison or dead as a result.
You can mis-live your life.
The disturbing truth is you don’t even need to do something significantly egregious. You don’t need to become a drug addict or murder someone to mis-live your life. You can do it in the most mundane and ordinary ways. It can happen so subtly that the people around you wouldn’t even notice, because you have most likely surrounded yourself with people mis-living their lives in exactly the same ways.
All it takes is the consistent application of mediocrity, laziness, procrastination, obsession with material possessions, and self-centeredness.
We speak of people who have lost their way and lives that have gone off the rails. But do you ever consider that you have lost your way, that your life is off the rails, and that you are mis-living your life? That’s the biggest mistake: Not even considering the possibility. Assuming that it won’t happen to you.
But perhaps the most heartbreaking part of all this is that by mis-living your life you will never get to see or experience the life God envisioned for you. You miss out on the life God wanted to give you. That’s heartbreaking.
We often wander carelessly through life as if a well-lived life were guaranteed. It isn’t.
What does it mean to mis-live your life? It is the opposite of a well-lived life. It means to live poorly. It means to lead a life marked by wasted potential and misaligned with all that is good, true, just, and noble. I’ll say it again: You can mis-live your life. But most people never think about it. They wander aimlessly through life, unconsciously assuming that all lives are well-lived, even though everybody knows people who have mis-lived their lives.
Have you ever mis-lived an hour? An afternoon? A day? I have. I have mis-lived too many. So many. I have mis-lived hours and afternoons. I have mis-lived moments and I have mis-lived months.
The problem is, put enough of those mis-lived days together and you will find yourself on the wrong side of a life well-lived. And that is a frightening thing. Finding your way back from such a place can be daunting. It is beyond difficult, I won’t lie. But it is possible. So, if that is where you find yourself, please do not lose hope.
How do you find your way back from mis-lived days and weeks, or even years? It is simple but not easy. It is done one choice at a time. And whether your day has gone adrift or your life, begin now, without delay. Rectify your life immediately.
A well-lived life is built the same way a mis-lived life is built—one choice at a time. Every choice builds character or erodes character. Make your next choice one that belongs in a well-lived life. It’s amazing how one good choice can shift the momentum of your day. Do you need to make a shift?
You can ruin your life. Ask people. Everyone’s seen ruined lives. They are tragic and pathetic, filled with regret and often cliché. And most people only realize this at the end.
We cannot avoid our appointment with death. Death comes to us all eventually. And when death approaches, the person you have become meets the person you could have been. This is a humbling encounter. Don’t wait for it. Meet with the person you are capable of becoming for a few minutes each day. The more time you spend in these meetings the less you will fear death. Use your thoughts, words, choices, and actions to close the gap between who you are today and who you are capable of being. This is the path that leads to a deeply fulfilling life.
We live or mis-live our lives one choice at a time. Some choices are full of goodness and life, others are nothing but death and destruction. Some choices create chaos and confusion, others give birth to clarity and order. Build your tomorrow with your choices today. Envision the person God created you to become and build toward that vision of your future self—one choice at a time.
You can mis-live your life. If you pause for long enough to think about it, if you allow the possibility to sink in, it is disturbing, terrifying actually. But here is the beautiful truth—you can shift the momentum of your life with a single choice.
The choice to listen to the voice of God is such a choice. Decide here and now, today, to open your heart and listen to the three ordinary voices of God. If you do, I promise, God will use the needs, talents, and desires he created you with to fill your life with passion and purpose.
LET YOUR LIFE SPEAK
Eight hundred years ago, Saint Francis of Assisi wrote, “Preach the Gospel at all times, and only when necessary use words.” Four hundred years later, this was no doubt the inspiration for George Fox, the founder of the Quaker movement, when he wrote, “Let your life preach.” This saying has evolved over the past four hundred years into let your life speak.
Let your life speak implies that your life might not speak. That isn’t the case. The truth is this: You don’t have a choice. Your life speaks whether you let it or not. Your actions speak and your inaction speaks. The only choice you have in this matter surrounds this question: What is your life saying to the world?
Is your life whispering wisdom to the world? Or is your life cursing at the world and everyone in it? Is your life the holy ranting of a prophet? Is your life praising the goodness of others or gossiping about them behind their backs?
If you had to summarize what your life is saying in one word, what word would you use? Love, generosity, thoughtful, responsible, irresponsible, light, dark, righteous, sarcastic, hypocritical, degenerate, goodness, kindness, selfish, thoughtless, careless, anxious, depressed, truth, beauty, wisdom?
Your life is speaking.
At work people have reputations. “He is always late.” “She is always helpful.” “She is always the first to leave.” “He’s a genius.” “He is such a hard worker.” “She is so committed.” “He can’t be serious.” The list goes on. Everybody has a personal brand at work. Some are acquired intentionally. Most by default.
How would the people who know you well describe you? What would they say?
“He’s the most sarcastic person I’ve ever known.”
“She’s the most generous person in the world.”
“He is very hard to get to know.”
“She is constantly gossiping.”
There are plenty of workshops and college classes that ask students to write their own eulogies or obituaries. These usually include personal and professional achievements, key relationships, life lessons, values, and how the person hopes to be remembered. It’s a fine exercise often dismissed as trite or cliché by those who forget that clichés become clichés by containing some element of universal wisdom. The virtue of this exercise is to develop a vision of the life we wish to live, so as to align our thoughts, words, and actions with that vision each day.
Writing a personal mission statement is another powerful exercise. I know that some people may dismiss this as merely “self-help” or “less than,” but that would be a mistake. If anything, we should take it even more seriously than those who harness such tools to seek worldly...