Their Finest Hour (eBook)

Jon Carlson, Jeffrey Kottler (Autoren)

eBook Download: EPUB

2008
384 Seiten
Crown House Publishing (Verlag)
978-1-84590-661-0 (ISBN)

Infos

In Their Finest Hour, therapists, on the cutting edge of their profession, detail their most professionally rewarding cases and share what they learnt from them. These outstanding therapists define achievement in their field, describe how therapy really works and speak frankly about how their cases shaped their ideas. Each interview was recorded and then transcribed and written into narrative prose, including re-created dialogue that was based on case notes and recordings.

Jeffrey Kottler is Professor and Chair of the Counselling Department at California State University, Fullerton and has written more than 50 books in psychology, counselling, and related fields.

Textauszug

Chapter Two

The Ball, the Snowflakes, and the Wheelchair

Cases from Jeffrey Kottler

Jeffrey Kottler has been a leader in humanistic and experientially based therapies, devising an approach that is highly pragmatic and integrative, including features of a dozen other models. In his dozens of books about the therapeutic process, and the therapist’s experience, he emphasizes the power of personal contact and caring. He uses creativity and humor to help clients take risks and challenge themselves in new ways. He likens the role of the therapist to that of a “travel agent,” whose main jobs are to help structure and guide transformative journeys.

Some of his most highly regarded works include On Being a Therapist; Divine Madness: Ten Stories of Creative Struggle; and Making Changes Last. Jeffrey has collaborated with Jon Carlson on a number of other projects: Bad Therapy; The Mummy at the Dining Room Table; The Client who Changed Me; Moved by the Spirit; and An American Shaman.

Jeffrey has been an educator for thirty years. He has worked as a teacher, counselor, and therapist in preschool, middle school, mental health center, crisis center, university, community college, and private practice settings. He has served as a Fulbright Scholar and Senior Lecturer in Peru (1980) and Iceland (2000), as well as worked as a Visiting Professor in New Zealand, Australia, Hong Kong, Singapore, and Nepal. Jeffrey is Professor of Counseling at California State University, Fullerton. He is also the co-founder of the Madhav Ghimire Foundation which provides educational opportunities for lower caste girls in Nepal who would otherwise be unable to attend school.

A Dying Breath

It has been said that when people are about to take their last, dying breaths, they see their lives pass before their eyes. I imagine that such a stream of images would include snapshots of faces more than flashes of landscape or objects, but perhaps that reflects my own priorities. I would also guess that many therapists would see the faces of their clients among their loved ones as their last memories on this earth. I know that would be true for me.

Like most of the contributors to this book, I have seen and helped thousands of people over the years. If I add to this list those I reached through the media and writings, it is staggering to consider that the potential audience is well into the millions. Of course, I have never met most of these people, nor will I ever hear any indication, one way or the other, about how I was helpful to them. It was my clients, however, whom I will most remember. And if I am granted moments of reflection before I take my last breath, I’m certain some of their faces will pass before my eyes.

Breaking the Cardinal Rule

It is interesting to consider which clients we most remember and others we have long forgotten. I remember some of my finest hours, but also some of my most trying sessions and challenging cases (but that was the story of another book). Foremost, I will never forget the single session of therapy I did with a couple from India.

“How might I help you both?” I addressed the couple in my most earnest voice. The husband, an immaculately dressed physician, spoke in clipped, regal sentences, emphasizing his British accent. The wife, dressed in a traditional sari, remained quiet while he did all of the talking.

“My wife,” he said, gesturing toward his wife who sat placidly, “she wants to work.”

“I see,” I said, not seeing at all.

“We do not do this sort of thing in my family. Women are supposed to stay home and raise a family.”

“And how do you feel about this?” I addressed the wife.

Before she could answer, the husband chimed in on her behalf and said that she would like to work but he still felt this would dishonor his family. “It would tell all our people back home that I am not capable of taking care of her.”

I understand that there were some complex cultural dimensions to this story. Apart from my own biases in favor of greater equality among men and women, and the cultural norms of our community, I understood that they had been raised in a very different milieu. Still, I was annoyed by his controlling behavior, and perhaps that was revealed in the impatience of my next question.

“So, what do you want from me?” I asked.

The good doctor nodded, pleased that we had gotten to the heart of the matter. He looked very busy and preoccupied, ready to get back to the hospital and continue his work. “Well,” he said, “we are now living in a different country, a place where you have very different rules for this sort of thing.” He said this distastefully, clearly indicating that he did not agree with these lax standards.

“That is true,” I agreed with him. I was still uncomfortable that we were talking about his wife as if she was invisible. So I turned to her again: “I’d like to hear from you, Mrs Vejay. How do you feel about this?”

She looked at her husband for permission to answer me, but he just stared straight ahead. She presumed this was a sort of tacit permission. “It is true,” she said, “I would like to work. As yet, we have no children. I am so far away from my family and my parents and my friends back in India. I do not like staying at home all day. I want to do something else. I see all the women here, in this country, have jobs. I would like to work as well.”

I was nodding my head in agreement all throughout her brief statement, then caught myself. “Thank you, Mrs Vejay. So if I understand this situation, the main problem that you would like assistance with is related to whether you should be able to work or not. Doctor, you would rather she didn’t, and Mrs Vejay, you would very much like to do so.”

“That is correct,” the husband agreed.

“Okay,” I said, still confused about what they wanted from me. “How can I help?”

The doctor looked at me as if the answer to that question was rather obvious. “Well, we would like you to tell us what to do.”

“You want me to tell you whether your wife should be allowed to work or not?”

He nodded solemnly.

“So, if I tell you that your wife should work, then you’d agree to let her do so?”

Again he nodded.

“And if I say no, then she doesn’t work?” This time I looked toward the wife, who also nodded her head.

I could feel the panic start to well up in me. I knew that giving such advice was absolutely the worst thing I could do. I rehearsed in my head just how I would tell them that I—or any therapist—does not give advice in this way or make decisions for people. Instead I would help them sort things out for themselves, explore the relevant issues, and negotiate a mutually acceptable solution. That’s what I was thinking. But it certainly was not what I actually did. And even now I don’t know whether to feel proud, or ashamed, of my intervention.

Maybe I responded as I did because people rarely listen to me, even when they do ask my advice. Perhaps I was just appalled at the doctor’s sexist, controlling attitude and I wanted to annoy him. I’d like to think I was responding in a culturally appropriate way when I chose to do exactly what they asked of me: “Okay then, if what you want me to do is to tell you whether your wife should work or not, I think that decision should be left up to her. That is the way we often do things in this country. But still, I understand that in your …”

“So,” he interrupted, “you are saying that she should work?”

I was visibly sweating now. I’d just broken a cardinal rule and I was trying to figure out how to get myself out of this advice-giving fix. “Well, I was trying…” Then I just stopped. I looked him right in the eyes and nodded my head firmly, definitely. “Yes,” I said, “if that is what you are asking me, then I think that is perfectly okay.”

“Thank you,” he answered. “Well then, I think we are done here.” He looked at his wife, indicating it was now time to leave.

“That’s it?”

“Yes sir,” he said in a calm voice. I was pleased he didn’t seem visibly angry. “That is all we wanted to know.”

Indeed the couple left the office, and unless it was my imagination, they seemed quite affectionate and relieved. Because I was concerned about what damage I might have done unwittingly, giving in to my impatience rather than taking the time to help them figure out things for themselves, I followed up with the couple a few weeks later. The husband answered the phone and reported that his wife had found a job and was now working 20 hours per week. He seemed fine with that, thanked me politely for all my help, and promised to contact me again if they ever needed more help.

Well, this was hardly my finest hour of therapy, even if the outcome was so spectacularly positive from the point of view of the couple. But I cite this as one example of faces I will never forget. There are others of course—many other successful cases that turned out quite well as a direct or indirect result of my interventions. But I would rather not talk about any of these.

Successes and Failures

It is curious to me that it is a lot easier to remember the worst representatives of my work rather than the best examples. It is not that I’ve rarely helped anyone—just that once a case is completed, I tend to move on to the next challenge rather than dwell on what happened. For me, therapy often feels like magic, beyond my comprehension. Whenever someone makes a dramatic breakthrough, I sit in awe at what...

Produkt-Details

• Erscheint lt. Verlag: 30.8.2008
• Verlagsort: London
• Sprache: englisch
• Themenwelt: Geisteswissenschaften ► Psychologie ► Allgemeine Psychologie
• Themenwelt: Medizin / Pharmazie ► Gesundheitsfachberufe
• Themenwelt: Medizin / Pharmazie ► Medizinische Fachgebiete ► Psychiatrie / Psychotherapie
• ISBN-10: 1-84590-661-6 / 1845906616
• ISBN-13: 978-1-84590-661-0 / 9781845906610